Subject: I am unsure as how to properly answer your question.
Posted on: 2016-05-06 01:18:43 UTC

I am operating on the assumption that you are curious about "the best kisser" of those agents tied to this particular mailbox. Judging our collective kissing abilities would require a certain level of… experimentation, I suppose. As we have never engaged in this activity, I would have to say

Let me cut you off there, Xerry. It's me. I'm the best. Gremlin, that is.

Gremlin, we have discussed this before. I thought that we agreed you would no longer use your electromagnetic manipulation to hijack my online posts.

Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. But this is a subject I have a little bit of experience in. I've smooched plenty of people, and I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of it. No one's ever complained before.

So then you have kissed the agents in question?

Well… no. But I'd like to think that I can leverage my worldly experiences into some very accurate guesses.

I see. On the one hand, I feel I should close out this answer now and leave it as is. That being said, I am curious as to your conclusions. It is a curiosity born of weariness and bile, but it still exists. Go ahead. Lay out your theories.

Cool. First off, there's Laura. I think it's pretty likely that she's never kissed anyone. Not only is she a bigger pain in the rear than me (A remarkable feat in itself.) Hush, you! Not only that, but she's something of a homebody. She only likes people when they've been filtered through something like Skype or a video game chat window. That being said, she doesn't back down from anything. I see her kisses as being inexperienced, quick, but very energetic. Definitely not the best.

Then there's James. I'm pretty sure he used to be married, so obviously he's got something going for him. Plus he's a little older. Probably got plenty of experience under his big leather belt. But that mustache! Personally, I'm not a fan of kissing people with bushy mustaches. It's an acquired taste. His hypothetical kisses would be to the point, maybe a little tender with time, but with a chaser of hair.

Then there's Danny. Heh… you'd probably be better off asking Teyala Solnerii about his skills. I hear she has first hand experience. Lots of first hand experience.

I asked you to put forward your hypotheticals, Gremlin, not engage in water cooler rumormongering.

Fair enough. Cornelius is a no go area. Sure, he can make his light form solid with technology, but that's no fun. Rachel, though, would be the epitome of fun. She's bouncy, she's excitable, and she loves the idea of love itself. I see her being a bit like Laura, all enthusiasm and slight awkwardness. But while Laura would be an angry kisser — I can just see her planting one on some guy before pushing him away and giving him the cyber-finger — Rachel would be a lot of little kisses all in a row, with some cuddling to follow.

Finally, there's Xericka.

No. While this exercise has been an interesting peek into your subconscious, I must draw the line on your speculating about my own abilities.

Well, it isn't exactly speculation. I mean, you and I… uh…


Okay, I think I'm going to have to leave things there. Xericka's just stood up from her computer and is glaring at me. Like, really glaring.

And now she's walking over. Gotta go! Peace! —G

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