Subject: Might as well run some of my own, so:
Posted on: 2023-04-30 04:42:19 UTC
Jiwon: Wait, are we doing this together?
Charlie: Yup! Faster that way.
Jiwon: Fair enough.
Part I: Let's Start at the Beginning…
What's your name?
J: Jiwon Kim.
Give me your full name…
J: Um… I just told you?
C: No idea! I like the sound of Charcoal Briquette, though. Flows nice.
Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it and how did you come to have it?
J: I don’t, no.
C: Yep, Charlie! Got it from a wizard friend.
What species are you?
J: I’m a gumiho. Please don’t look that up if you don’t know.
C: What for? Not like they’re raunchy sorts, yeah?
J: I mean, they’re not? I just… I just don’t want the actual reputation they have.
C: Eh, alrighty. (They turn back to the interviewer.) Tabaxi!
Where/when were you born?
J: Korea, 200…3? I think that’s right. Not World One, to be clear.
C: Waterdeep, mate! Fancy city, nice place to visit.
I see. And that would make your age...?
J: Nineteen. I hate time.
C: I’d tell you if I knew!
Okay, now… are you a good guy, or a bad guy?
C: Alignment says Chaotic Good, but I'm not a big alignment fellow. Feels kinda binding.
J: I don’t think I’m evil exactly, but it doesn’t feel right to say I’m good. I’m not a hero. This job isn’t hero work, and it feels awful sometimes. I… I don’t know?
Part II: Tell Us More About Yourself…
How would you describe your personality?
J: I can’t answer that with, like, any sort of confidence.
C: I’m Charlie! That work for you?
Would you say you're someone who can handle pressure?
C: Ooh, give me all the pressure! I can take it!
Do you like to read?
J: When there’s a good book, sure.
C: I just do it for the job. Reading’s hard and takes a while, y’know?
J: Maybe cream? One of the softer ones.
C: Can’t choose, there’s so many! Oh, maybe Urple! That one’s funny.
Do you get along with others?
J: I prefer not to interact with others if it can be helped.
Do you have any enemies?
C: Nope, they’re all dead or gone!
J: Do violent Suvians count? If not, uh… I don’t want to name names, but there’s a few people that come to mind.
How about friends?
J: Charlie, for one. Um. Give me a second, I’m sure there’s more…
C: Aw, thanks! I like you too! (They look back to the interviewer.) But yeah, I’ve got lots of friends! The folk around here are nice and chatty.
Are you patient?
J: I like to think that I am? But, uh, probably not.
C: This isn't Medical, and I’m not hurt, so not yet!
Part III: Hypothetically…
Suppose that you could become any creature you know of. What would you pick, and why?
J: I can already transform into a human - well, mostly - so I think I’m good for shapes, thanks.
C: A lich! Eternal life means more time to make folks happy!
One of your enemies just complimented you. Response?
J: I can’t picture that at all, to be honest.
C: Not an enemy anymore, so yay!
One of your friends just insulted you. Response?
C: Eh, I’m sure it’d be fine! I’m used to it, anyway!
J: …I don’t want to think about that.
If you could change anything about yourself…
J: Well, I’ve considered messing with my human shape a few times - there’s a few, uh, tweaks I have in mind, even if they might not be permanent.
C: (They shrug.) Just a longer life, really!
About your home…
C: I died there! Adventurer’s life for ya. Oh, you meant what I would change about it? Eh, nothing much. Don’t think I’d make a good god.
J: I wish I could be back there.
Part IV: Now We Get Personal
What're your parents like?
J: Um… normal? I think? Well-off enough to keep me sheltered.
C: One’s a cultist, one’s a bard! Got the best of both worlds, me!
Do you have any siblings?
J: One, I think. Nicole went off to the Americas before I… um. Ended up here. Next question, please?
What's your occupation?
J: You… you do know where you are, right?
C: Division of Floaters! (They grab Jiwon by the shoulder and pull him close.) We’re partners in crime!
I see, that's a good job to have. Do you like it?
J: I’m considering a change of Departments.
Are you seeing/dating anyone?
J: I - no!
C: I can see you just fine, don’t worry.
Thinking about getting engaged, married, other
J: Not for a very long time, no.
C: Never really was into that, but thanks!
Tell us your biggest secret.
J: That is a very uncomfortable question.
C: Sorry, can’t say! Would remove the secret-ness from secrets, yeah?
Your worst fear? You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to.
C: Don’t think I have one!
J: …I don’t know you well enough to say.
C: Cheese! All the cheese.
J: Sushi. Nothing too specific, to be honest.
C: Milk! Dairy’s dairy.
J: Are you familiar with, uh… (He pauses to adjust his Universal Translator collar.) 식혜? That didn’t come out right, did it?
Tell us one thing you're the most proud of.
J: I wish I could think of one.
C: I learned the recipe for a potion of lichdom the other day! Medical workers know lots of funny things.
Something embarrassing? You don't have to answer this one, either.
C: Can’t think of any!
J: I’ll pass.
If you didn't answer Questions 28 and/or 32, tell me why.
C: I answered both, yeah?
J: They're a bit, uh… personal. For something like this.
Is that a good reason?
J: I… you know what? Yes, yes it is! (He huffs, crosses his arms, and looks away.)
C: What he said!
Part V: Breaking the Fourth Wall For these next few questions, I'll briefly remove the fourth wall between your world and your creator's. Try to remain calm.
Before I remove the fourth wall, tell me: would you be willing to accept the fact that you're actually a character?
J: What does that mean?
C: I already am one!
Now the fourth wall's gone. Response?
C: Don’t see a change!
This is your creator's world. What's the first thing you notice?
C: Looks like New Caledonia! Think this place was inspired by it?
J: It doesn’t look like Heaven.
You just met your creator! First impression of them?
C: Looks fine to me!
J: Are you saying this is the face of God? I’m… I have a hard time believing that, to be honest.
Okay, let's put the fourth wall back. See, that wasn't so bad, was it?
C: Eh, pretty fine.
J: (Jiwon says nothing, staring blankly at the interview desk.)
Part VI: Closing
Are you satisfied with your life?
Anything you feel like you have to do? It can be something long-term, like a bucket list, or something you need to do right now.
C: Feel like doing this, does that count?
J: I’m hoping to figure out what I want to be in this place. Maybe decide if… never mind.
C: (They heft the mandola in their lap.) Music! Love it, lifeblood of the universe and gateway to magic and all that.
J: Does playing video games count?
Quick, you get one wish! What did you just wish for? It's alright, you can tell me…
C: Wished for cheese! Brie rind, specifically!
J: I… I kind of wish I could go back home.
How would you describe that wish? Good? Bad? Selfish? Selfless? Other?
C: I think it’s a good wish! Cheese is good, right?
J: Ah, mine is definitely selfish. I’m not going to pretend it’s not.
Have you been honest with these questions?
C: You’ll never know!
J: What… yeah, what they said.
Your personal quote?
J: Wait, what?
C: We were supposed to have those?
Do you like change?
J: Not much?
C: Depends on the change!
J: …I probably should have said that.
What's your most valued possession?
C: (They tap their mandola with a claw.) Prolly this guy!
J: I don’t know. Maybe just my body? That, uh, probably came out wrong.
Anything else you feel like sharing?
J: Absolutely not.
C: So much to say, so little time! You can come ask me later if you want! I’ll be in RC #724.
J: Why did you tell them that.
Last question! ...yup, that's it! How do you feel?
C: I feel great, thanks!
J: Please don’t take up Charlie’s offer.