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((Terri's work again - I'm just the brain behind her))

From the Personal Files of Terri Ryan, Department of Personnel

Well, I've been issued an informal warning by the R&R Division. Apparently my justification for breaking the structure of my last review was insufficient, and I failed to mention sufficient items. I'll try to do better this time. I'm going to be using a primarily chronological structure, with one alteration to fit the recommended Good-Bad-Good pattern.

Mission: PPC Crusade/The Crusader King
Agents: Arthur Briggs and Lynn Gillies, DMS

Straight off the mark, this mission was highly immersive. Just after the agents receive their mission, we see the following exchange:

Youre the only one in this RC with canon knowledge, which makes you primary agent for this mission.

Me? Gillies squeaked. She cleared her throat and tried again. But Im not a full agent yet.

That doesnt matter. The Duty is whats important, and in this case youre best suited to perform it."

This simple dialogue gives me a perfect feel for the agents. I could immediately contrast Gillies, squeaking and uncertain, with Briggs, saying 'the Duty is what's important'. The former is still settling into the PPC, while the latter, with his military background, is right at home. I immediately felt I knew the pair of them - and that I cared about what happened to them. All from a few lines of dialogue that let character flow through.

I also found myself drawn in in a different manner. This mission didn't feel like it took place in isolation: it was firmly part of a larger world. Two examples:

In that case, you program the disguises while I visit the Canon Library."

and

[Present Tense Detected. Revert Agents To Past Tense Y/N?]

Briggs sighed as the reset took effect. Much better. Once you make full Agent, see if you can talk DoSAT into adding a tense stabiliser to your CAD.

Now, I'm not just quoting these because of my affection for the subjects of them, although that certainly plays a part. The Canon Librarian is a lot like me, insofar as I know anything about him, so it's good to see him getting some attention. The tense stabiliser first appeared on DOGA-modified CADs - I didn't realise it had gone into mass production. But that's not the point here.

The point is, I really get a feel for how the wider world of HQ impacts on this agent pair. I can now imagine them having friends and enemies, favourite haunts and secret shortcuts - not because of anything I know about them, but because their narrative so casually drops in pieces of their - our - world. This is clearly something they are intimately involved with, not just sitting on the outskirts of.

Oh, and it helps that they mention DOGA later by name. Pyro Department, getting the love.

Unfortunately, not everything is positive. While character-defining moments like my first quote exist, they are swamped by the fact that much of the dialogue can be split into two categories: charges, and infodumps.

Charges are important, we all know that, but there is more to a mission than the charge list. What I want to see is the agents' reactions to what happens, not simply the pigeonhole they slot it into. At its worst, this report descends into merely ticking boxes - literally, in fact, since Briggs is described as 'checking off' Thesaurus Abuse. This does not make for fascinating reading, unfortunately, and it foreshadows another problem: the entire list is quotes at the end, in massive block quotes.

There are two issues here. Firstly, how to deal with charges? I believe they don't all need to be mentioned. It is assumed that there is a list - that's a PPC Agent's job, after all - so it doesn't particularly need mentioning. Certainly the more amusing ones should be brought up - there is a scene where Briggs and Gillies discuss with evident satisfaction a pair of charges raised in a single time-jump, and it is entertaining to say the least - but the majority can pass unmarked.

Then there is the recitation. I know it's fashionable among some agents to create the largest list possible, but really, we don't need to see it. Read it to the 'Sue, by all means, but don't make me sit through it. Rather, edit what actually happened a little. Give me the highlights, the interesting bits, the collated and condensed version, and I'll read it. Give me the whole thing, and I'll skip ahead.

Then there are the infodumps. On the one hand, one agent is unfamiliar with the canon - and since this is the only Belgariad mission report I've ever seen, I imagine many casual readers are too. In that respect, a certain amount of information has to be provided. And, I must admit, Gillies handles it better than some - she breaks her dumps into small sections, allowing me time to recover in between, and theoretically absorb what I'm given. However, there are so many of them. Is all the information necessary? I don't know. Could it be condensed, cut down to the bare essentials and the funny parts? I suspect so.

But overall, I did enjoy this report. Possibly my favourite moment came near the end: in order to research something, Agent Briggs sent a letter to the Medical Department - using one of the lanterns said to be 'filing the room'. Not everyone would even have caught the typo (and as we know, agent observation has a massive effect on badfic canon), but Briggs used it to his advantage. Once again I gained insight into him, and saw his place in the larger world of the PPC - all through a simple piece of utility.

-T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel, DOGA Archivist

((I hope you don't mind, but I'm handing the actual work of reviewing off to Terri. She's more interesting than me))

From the Personal Files of Terri Ryan, Department of Personnel

Everyone in DOGA (or DoGA, or DGA, or the Pyro Department, or whatever we're calling it this week) keeps telling me I need to get a hobby. Actually they usually tell me I need to get a life, but since I spend every waking hour filing their mission reports, complaints and sundries (a word I have come to detest), a hobby is the best I can do. Actually I shouldn't even be doing this, but I have an excuse. A package of old mission reports from across the PPC was delivered to the Archives this morning for some unknown reason, and I need to read them all to figure out what's going on. Since I'm doing that, I figure I might as well review them too.

Mission: Suebusters/For Gondor and Rohan
Agents: Cara Fielding & Miriam Collins, DMS

I have to say I found this mission a little dull to read about (although I note that one of the agents involved said much the same thing - I suppose boring is better than fatally exciting, right?). The main reason for this is that all the interesting moments appear to be glossed over. For example, during the Council I read that the entire courtyard turn[ed] gold when the 'Sue appeared. From Miriam's next line, I inferred that this was due to a line of bad narrative - but I am given no clue as to what it was. This happens every time Suvian prose is invoked. She gives a Sue-like description of the Lady Galadriel, but again, I don't get to find out what it says.

The main issue I have with this is that pure agent reaction doesn't hold my interest very well. I want to be entertained, and I want to be able to laugh at the badfic myself. There is little worse than seeing someone else in stitches over a joke I haven't heard. I understand the agents' purpose, I think - they want to be the focus, not simply characters in an MST - but I believe they would be more interesting if we knew what they were reacting to, not simply how.

Another issue I noticed is one I shall be passing on to the Department of Redundancy Department: lacking anything from the badfic to describe, the narrative sometimes takes to narrating the agents' dialogue. For example:
While it was understandable given the plagiarism, 0% OOC readings across the board (with the exception of the Sue, of course) were still unusual.

"Huh, everyone's totally in character so far," she noted, raising an eyebrow at the CAD with a small amount of disbelief. "That's strange."

The rule of 'Show, don't tell' seems to have been altered by these agents into 'show and tell'. Wait, was that too harsh? I've not exactly practiced this. I think the actual issue is one of 'Who knows what and how': the CAD informs one agent of an occurance, and that agent tells her partner. The problem is, both events didn't need to be narrated. It broke the flow of the mission for me. Even if this is what actually happened, to quote another rule, sometimes 'Less is more'. The dialogue would suffice, here and in other areas.

There is also an issue with narrative tension - or the lack thereof. Despite the agents' repeated warnings about the 'Sue possibly hearing them, there seems to be no danger of this happening. In one scene, Miriam taunts the Laws of Narrative Comedy - and wins. At a time when most of the Fellowship are on high alert due to approaching crebain, she sneaks into their camp, ignoring a warning from her partner, and steals their food with no consequences. Cara is alarmed, but does nothing, and nothing ever comes of the event.

Cara's warning was perfect foreshadowing, a Chekov's gun that simply didn't fire. Miriam wasn't seen. I understand that this is an accurate representation of events, but it left me feeling distinctly unsatisfied. There are two ways it could have been improved. The whole incident could have been downplayed, rather than building it up for no payoff. Alternately, and preferably, the tension could have been ramped up. If the narrative had followed Miriam rather than staying with Cara, we could have experienced her feelings: did that rock just move? I can't see Aragorn from here! What was that noise?

I hope I can be forgiven for my bad form in describing all the negatives first. I do not do this lightly - the structure of a review is practically a sacred trust - but as any member of the R&R Division of Personnel will tell you, sometimes structure must be sacrificed to dramatic necessity. The positives here are something rarely seen in mission reports, and in my opinion they far outweigh all that has gone before.

At the very beginning of the mission, we are shown Miriam's dislike for the cold. This seems to be a piece of scene-setting, with no lasting consequences - until the agents arrive at Caradhras. Here the cold issue resurfaces, and (without spoiling my second positive) leads to interaction that would not otherwise occur.

I admire the narrative consistancy shown here. A major issue with badfics is a failure to carry things forward: a wrist broken in one scene may be used to loose a bow a dozen chapters later. Here the agents, through careful use of the narrative structure, managed to create a small plot arc within their tale. It allowed me to connect more fully with the agents - to see them as people, not merely vessels for the plot. And then there's Ring Bearer...

Ring Bearer the mini-Balrog is almost a special case of the above, but he is even better used. These days minis are often ignored - they appear in one scene, then vanish, just like that broken wrist. Not Ring Bearer. I'll illustrate this with three paragraphs from widely-separated parts of the report:

Even though she wasn't usually fond of minis, Miriam almost squealed in relief, huddling just close enough to Ring Bearer for the convection to warm her without causing severe burns; warmth was one thing, being incinerated was another.

She looked around in concern for somewhere to put Ring Bearer, as - without meaning to - the mini-Balrog was starting to char the wood. In the end she asked him to wait at the bottom of the tree, where he wouldn't be able to set anything alight. Mournfully, the little Maia did as requested, though he was pacified with a promise of more bacon later.

A few clicks and whirrs and a bright flash of light later, Ring Bearer looked rather puzzled. In place of the Uruk-Hai that had picked him up, two female Elves - still wearing the same clothes - stood adjusting their backpacks. Hey, its okay, Cara grinned at him, throwing him their last piece of bacon to reassure him...

From his first appearence, this mini is not just something that happened: he becomes an integral part of the mission. The problems and advantages of dealing with a demi-angelic ball of flame are addressed: he is used for warmth on Caradhras, and later gently removed from the flet in Lorien - we even see his reactions to this. Later still, I read of his reaction to a change of disguise, and I realised this was what had been missing.

I read a mission for two reasons: to delight at the tale of agents cleaning out a badfic, and to see something new. The entertainment of the former was somewhat muted here, but, for the first time in a long time, something brand new appeared. I have never seen a mini become a character on its first appearance before - and I enjoyed it immensely. It shows how much respect the two agents have for the Word Worlds they enter, and for the creatures they encounter. By reading about their interactions with Ring Bearer, I came to truly believe that the authors were lovers of Canon, not just haters of 'Sues. And that is something I always treasure.

-T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel, DOGA Archivist

These ones get an exclamation mark because they actually count! Welcome to the game. {= D

1) Fan-love - 1 point. This is dangerously close to "I'm so glad you sporked that," but the second sentence saves it by making it about one of the author's writing choices (having Kitty react). However, it doesn't really get into what effect this has on the story.

2) Characterization - 3 points. Gives the what and why with specific examples, and the effect on the reader.

3) Formatting - 3 points. ... This is starting to look like an easy way to net points, since it's so simple to explain what the problem is, why, and how to fix it. {= P

4) Character development - 3 points. Again, I've lumped the last two paragraphs together. In this case, it's because no solution was given for the problem presented in the second-to-last paragraph, but the solution in the last one is explicitly applied to both. The problems for the reader seem to apply to both, as well, so all in all it's a good discussion.

TOTAL: 10 points.

~Neshomeh

I'm going to try to run through it as efficiently as possible, without rambling. Let's see how it goes.

1) Info-dump - 2 points. Lays out the problem of a dry presentation of facts dragging down the piece for readers who are already familiar with the PPC, and provides a recommendation of working the information in more organically. However, could be clearer about what specifically about this presentation makes it dry and uninteresting.

2) Formatting - 3 points. A simple problem with a simple solution.

3) In-text author's notes - 3 points. The problem is clearly explained, specific examples and specific recommendations provided.

4) Canon knowledge - 1 point. I assume this is a compliment, and the what and why are present if I also assume learning something is why this information is good (perhaps not easy for the author, given the criticism of the info-dump; presumably the difference is that the reader didn't learn anything from the info-dump?). However, there's no discussion of the impact this knowledge has on the reader's experience of the story. This could have been said in response to a blog or Facebook comment.

5) Plot contrivances - 3 points. I'm counting the last two paragraphs under the same heading here, because they seem to work as two examples of the same issue (things being a bit too convenient). They're both clear demonstrations of how things working out too easily for the protagonist makes for a lack of story tension and reader disappointment, and in each case a recommendation is given for improvement.

TOTAL: 12 points.

~Neshomeh

(Don't really care about winning, I'm just happy to be participating.)

A review of our solitary Indiana Jones mission by Chatvert:
http://wizkit.livejournal.com/904.html
which I tried to post there, but LJ wants . . . stuff. Or something. Which might be for the best, because this review feels disgustingly long to me.

"Greetings! Fellow PPCer doctorlit here. When I noticed we had an Indiana Jones mission, I just had to come read it!

Indiana Jones had a lot of fun minor characters (Sallah and Brody, in particular), and they got shafted pretty heavily by this badfic. I'm glad you had Kitty react to that, and gave them a bit of fan-love through her dialogue.

Kitty and Alec work very well as a PPC partnership. I especially like their dialogue. It's been a while since the agent banter in a mission kept me smiling most of the way through my reading. Alec's serious pragmatism conflicts well with Kitty's fannish excitement towards everything. At the same time, I like that both agents can slip out of their usual characterization, like when Alec references the Last Crusade dialogue during the assassination. Another example where this shines through is Kitty's reaction to being shot, immediately calming down so she could take care of herself.

One thing that made this mission a somewhat difficult read was that your writing and the badfic's writing shared the same formatting (except the bolded author's notes). With no obvious visual difference, there were paragraphs that seemed to be part of your narration, but turned out to be from the badfic as I read more. I don't know what formatting livejournal allows, but it would make for a much smoother, clearer read if you bolded or italicized the badfic quotes. This is especially important with a badfic like this one that has mostly decent SPaG.

I thought it was kind of weird for Alec Trevelyan (who our wiki tells me is from James Bond) to be casting magic spells. I went back and read his first mission to find out why he was capable of doing so, but there was no mention of magic at all. In fact, Kitty didn't display any magic there, either. It's pretty random for this magical talent to have just been dropped on the reader in the second installment of your spinoff with no explanation, even apart from the weirdness of a James Bond canon being able to do it at all.

Between this mission and that first one, I also noticed another contradiction. Kitty can barely assassinate the Bourneverse Sue without having an emotional breakdown, and admits she only managed it because she knew Alec was in danger. Then, in the beginning of this mission, Kitty is very nonchalant about picking out a weapon and says she is "getting used to" killing. It's very jarring to go from one mission to the next and have this complete turnaround in attitude. I realize I'm probably meant to assume other missions took place between these two, but it would have been a lot more satisfying to see that change in Kitty happen over time, because as it is, it feels like I've missed out on a huge chunk of Kitty's character development. That change, as well as the magic thing, should to be shown to the reader, rather than briefly mentioned as having occurred during the "commercial break."

I'm sorry this comment went on so long, especially on a two-year-old entry. Just wanted to give my thoughts on a mission in an awesome, but sadly neglected, canon.
doctorlit

I am not going to participate in the actual contest portion of this, as I am married to the judge, and that is prize enough for me. I will, however, still be reviewing things and I welcome Neshomeh to judge how many points I would receive, as an example of how the system works.

That said, here is my first review.

---------

Phobos' review of Architeuthis, Mission 1: The Beginning:

I'm not quite sure how to begin this, so I guess the best thing to do is get out my thoughts on the piece overall. I'm sad to say I didn't really enjoy it. There are several reasons for that.

The first half of this mission was one long info-dump that tries to set out exactly what the PPC is, and how it does its job. While this is useful information, it was not presented in a way that was interesting to read, and I found it difficult to trudge through it. Since it was obviously intended for readers who were not familiar with the PPC, I wouldn't advocate getting rid of it all together. I think it would have been better to put it in a separate piece and liven it up somehow. Perhaps make it more of a more fully developed story about how Architeuthis joined the organization and found these things out, rather than explaining it directly to the audience and quoting sections of the manual.

Another problem I had with this particular mission was the lack of clear delineation between sections. The disclaimer at the top runs directly into the exposition section, which runs directly into the actual narrative. It is jarring, and it only serves to confuse the reader. This is a simple fix, though. A horizontal rule between the sections would clear that up easily.

There are, what appear to be, several in-text author's notes, which I believe are a lazy way to get information to the audience. Two, in particular, caught my eye.

1) (I'm a graduate student of biology; I need money, okay?) This information has no bearing on the story, and, due to agents not getting paid, doesn't make any sense as a reason to join the PPC. If you really wanted to get this into the story, I would recommend writing a more thorough introduction of Architeuthis, which includes her being a graduate student, and what that means for her in her new job.

2) (Of course, I'd picked a fake name before coming....) This one makes a common mistake. You are telling, rather than showing. It would have been more interesting and less intrusive if we had seen the agent pick the name as part of her preparations for going out. Perhaps she could have a number of names on a dartboard, or something. "Show; don't tell" would be good advice for this piece as a whole, come to think of it.

It is quite obvious that you know what you are talking about when it comes to Lord of the Rings canon. Some specific instances are the palantiri and the Black Shadow. I was under the mistaken impression that there were only four palantiri. I learned something today.

I don't feel that it was adequately explained how Architeuthis managed to make it through this without a scratch. She fully admitted to being a spy, and she was in the heart of Minas Morgul. That would have warranted torture, at the very least, to find out how she had made it so far into the fortress undetected. It seems particularly out of character for the Witch King. He seemed to not care a whole lot that this person was in his tower, playing with his palantir. It would have been more interesting if Architeuthis needed to do something more than just tell the truth to get out of the situation.

As a side-note, while we are on the subject of the Witch King, Makes-Things just modified the Neuralyzers to work on undead, and we don't hear about it until the it was being used? That smacks of plot contrivance and lazy storytelling. I'm not saying you shouldn't modify the equipment. What I am saying is that you need to work at setting things like that up, in advance, so that they don't come out of thin air. If Makes-Things, or someone else from DoSAT had given Architeuthis the modified, possibly even experimental, Neuralyzer earlier in the story, it would have been far less jarring.

All in all, I'm sorry to say that this doesn't make me keen to read any further into the adventures of Architeuthis.

-Phobos

I'll be honest, I'm down with anything that gets me reviews. >.>

I might give you points for stuff that qualifies anyway, though, just in case you change your mind. Who knows, you might win. {= ) I can keep them to myself if you'd prefer, though.

Like I said, I'll work out a prize with whoever wins. In the online-only arena, probably something like a beta job or review from me (not art, because I still owe people from March Madness 2010), or if we decide real world stuff is okay, some kinda fun treat or something that will stand up to shipping.

~Neshomeh

How about this:

I'll review two people that I haven't heard of before, and two more people that ask for a review. Plus Neshomeh, because I didn't know that we had had National Reading Month.

I'll link, but don't worry about judging them. I'm not interested in earning points, and I'm pretty aware of what makes a good review because I just spent quiet a few hours on mandatory, graded peer English paper critiques.

Have you thought of a prize? I tried to think of something original. That failed.

It's National Reading Month here in the States, and in NeshomehLand, it's also PPC Challenge Month, when I come up with random things to stir people out of the late-winter, not-yet-spring doldrums and do stuff. Some years. When I feel like it. >.>

This year, I figured why not take advantage of the fact that March is Reading Month to encourage some airing of older PPC spin-offs? And then I thought, what's reading without reviewing? Hey, I can totally make a game of that! And here it is, presented on the secondary board so we don't have to worry about it falling off the front page. {= )

How Does This Work?

1. Pick a spin-off (or other PPC narrative work, I guess) by an author you've never read before. This is important—half the point of this challenge is to increase exposure to stuff.
2. Read at least one installment in it.
3. Write a review.
4. If the author has someplace to leave reviews directly on the story, such as FF.net or LiveJournal, leave the review there where they can see it and post a link to it in a reply to this thread. If not, just post the whole review here with a link to the story.
5. Earn points!
6. Rinse and repeat until 11:59 pm Board time, March 31.

What Do You Mean, Points?

Each review you make for this challenge will earn points based on how helpful it is. To earn points, a review MUST include:

* At least one thing you thought was done well, and why.
* At least one thing you thought could be done better, and why.

A review WILL NOT earn points if:

* Any mention at all is made of how much the badfic or the Sue or whatever deserved to die, or how glad you are that someone killed it. This has nothing to do with the quality of the PPC story, and it's a bad habit some of you are in. Please break yourselves of it.
* Any bashing of the badfic author or anyone else takes place.
* I don't see it. As stated above, please post your review or a link to it in a reply to this thread.

For point-earning comments, "why" should include specifics like how the thing in question made you feel, the style choice(s) the author used (or could have used), how it impacts the section or story as a whole, and any other evidence for why it works or doesn't work. The success or failure of a story element should be measured by how strongly it affected you, the reader, and whether the effect seems to match the author's intent. Authors who care about their writing want to know these things; your review should tell them.

Each positive or negative will be worth 1-3 points, depending on how specific and clear it is and, for negatives in particular, whether it tells the author something they can use. For example:

* "This didn't work for me because I'm not really a fan of first person." - This meets the what-and-why requirement, but since it's a personal opinion and doesn't have anything else to say for itself, it would only be worth one point. Personal opinions are valid, but not very helpful to the author without substantiation.

* "First person doesn't work so well for me; I think it would be better if you used third person instead, since it gives you more freedom with what you can show." - This would probably get two points. It's a little clearer about what the problem is (lack of narrative freedom) and gives a general direction for improvement (show more), but lacks specificity.

* "This scene didn't work for me because the first-person narrative made me feel boxed into one character's head. I think there could have been more comedy in experiencing the other agent's reaction when their lust-object was thrown out of character, given how crazy he was acting, but instead the POV agent just shrugged it off and moved on, and I was stuck with her. It let the air out of the situation, and it took me out of the moment." - This would be worth probably three points, since in addition to the what-and-why, it specifically gives a reason for disliking the style (feeling trapped) and offers a suggestion for improvement (include more of the other character's side) while pointing out a specific case where the technique failed (lust-object OOC).

The same principles can be applied to positive comments, too. A three-point positive comment might look like this: "The first-person narrative really worked for me. I felt in touch with the POV character's emotions the whole time, especially when her LO was thrown out of character and her heart started pounding like that. I could almost feel the fingernails digging into her palms as if they were my own. You just don't get the same visceral details in third-person. Good choice!"

For further reference, I picked out something I'd never read before to review and did my best to make three-point comments, though I won't presume to score myself. The spin-off is "Just Like The Old Days PPC" by Agent Mackenzie, a.k.a. Gabrielle, and I reviewed chapter two, since the first chapter is a prologue. Sadly, it turned out to be somewhat negative overall, but I took it as an opportunity to put more emphasis on offering suggestions for improvement rather than simply saying why things didn't work. I hope it comes off that way.

There is no point limit per review. The person who accumulates the most points over the course of the month wins! I don't know yet what the reward will be. How about you and I come up with something appropriate when we get there, future winner? If you're comfortable giving out a mailing address, there are more options. Chocolate comes to mind. Or whatever. We'll talk. {= )

Anticipated Questions

I suspect these are coming, so I'll try to get them answered up front:

Q. Do I need Permission?
A. Heck no. Nobody ever needs permission to read things or write reviews around here.

Q. What if I've read everything already?
A. I has a dubious. The Complete List of PPC Fiction has an awful lot of stuff in it, not to mention keeping up with the new releases. There's bound to be something you've missed. If you've really devoured the PPC whole, though, congratulations. Pick anything that isn't by a currently active writer and looks under-read, I guess.

Q. Can I use the Original Series for this?
A. ... If you've made it to the Board without having read any of the Original Series yet, I admit I'm disappointed in you. However, I also STRONGLY encourage you to use the opportunity to remedy the situation now, so yes, if you haven't read it yet, you can use it for this.

Q. What if I really can't think of anything good/bad/at all to say?
A. Think harder. This is important—it's the other half of the point of this challenge. If you need ideas for things to comment on, try these (items blatantly snurched from something Miah posted a while back):

* The plot
* The characters
* The action
* The dialogue
* The background
* The overall story
* The theme
* The technical details (spelling, grammar, PPC or other canon details), etc.

Q. Isn't this whole "points" thing kind of arbitrary if you're the only judge?
A. Yeah, it totally is. I've tried to make my criteria very clear, and I will stick to them, but tell you what: if you find you strongly disagree with me a lot, you can run the challenge next time. {= D

Q. What if I just decide to make a gazillion reviews with a squillion one-point comments?
A. Please don't. The idea is to reward good, thoughtful, constructive reviews, not winning for winning's sake. If I think you're deliberately trying to break the game in this or any other way, I will throw you out of the running.

Q. Can I make multiple reviews for one spin-off, if there are multiple installments?
A. I debated over this one, but yes, that's fine. Beware, however, I may not give you points for saying the same things you said about previous installments unless it's very clear why they need to be repeated. It might be easier to review something new each time.

If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask! I hope this will be fun, and I know I have more fun when I understand what the heck is going on. ^_^

~Neshomeh, Giver of Points and Keeper of the Score

I was in a rush.))

... squish the thing with a large plate, but it just reformed. And then jumped on her. And then demanded her credit card.

Lisa decided that the only approach she hadn't tried would have to be effective, since nothing else was.

So she grabbed her manual, thumbed through it, and managed to choke out the first few words. As the grey sludge slowly crawled up her face, she said the release word.

The sludge exploded.

"Eww..." the young girl winced before running off.

----

The Scribe was not having fun. She was being accosted by three different sludge-food-things and even worse was the fact that her tea she had left on the table was mostly likely stone-cold. And full of grey, jiggly, slug-y stuff.

She caught sight of Lisa running off. "OK... break the spacetime continuum a little more-ow! getitoff!-or die of slug attacks..." she muttered to herself. The woman shrugged. "Lisa! Little help here!"

Lisa wordlessly tossed her a Christmas cracker and ran in the other direction, presumably to hand out more cracker.

The Scribe looked doubtfully at the small cardboard tube in her hand. A piece of gray stuff attack her pockets, yelling about money, and she finally gave up.

She somehow managed to get the grey things off her, and then she pulled the cracker open.

Out fell a pack of cherry bombs.

The Scribe smiled evily.

Evie shouted as she tried to pry the sentient sludge from her chest.

"Gimme the cash!" the ball replied.

"Huh?" the Fisherman said, bending down and examining the creature. "It speaks?"

"Yeah, great, now get the thing off me!" Evie replied.

Together they were able to remove the sludge and throw it to the floor. Evie tried to trap it with her foot but it simply slithered away. The Fisherman emptied a bowl of strange looking sweets onto the buffet table next to him and used it to trap the creature. "I got it!" he declared, sitting on the bowl.

"Okay... now what do we do?"

closing her eyes for a moment to try and collect herself. She had to remind herself that Ian and Sammy were safe, and that was all that mattered. There was no need to act on the immediate impulse of blasting a path through the crowd and hauling them bodily out of here.

"Sorry," she said to Gaspard, opening her eyes and letting her breath out slowly. "I apologize; I'm sure you had nothing to do with this." She turned her attention to the grey balls of sludge. What to do with these little menaces, then?

said Gaspard to the magician as he was backing away from a newly spawned ball of sludge. "Blame it on the Cafeteria. Last I heard, they were breeding things in their pots and pans."

As many mages from Lee's home continuum had found, when a large amount of magic was used for an extended amount of time, there was often an adverse effect on the mage who was acting as the conduit for said magic. In Lee's case, for example, it brought out her more paranoid and protective instincts; when they were combined with her battle skills that had been sharpened by two years of fighting badfic abominations of various kinds, the total effect left the elemental mage on edge quicker than if someone had shouted "Sue!" at the top of their lungs in the Cafeteria during rush hour. When she heard the ruckus begin thanks to the sentient grey jellies attacking people, she immediately located Ian and Sammy, both of whom were thankfully nearby. One muttered spell later and the two were neatly shielded from any kind of attack.

"Who the hell thought it would be smart to bring sentient food in here?" Lee growled, Roshaun baring his sharp teeth in an unconscious echo.

... Lisa was assaulted by another blob of grey jelly-stuff.

"GET IT THE HELL OFF ME PLEASE OH GOD!!!" Lisa fell off the chair she was standing on and tried to do the "Stop, Drop, and Roll" thing.

"Give me that cupcake!" the blob shrieked back.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY!" Lisa was at this point trying to beat it off her leg with a loaf of French bread.

----

The Scribe looked up and blanched.

She swore in three different languages and wished (not for the last time) that her sonic pen hadn't been ruined by that Dalek last week... or a year from now, depending...

The Scribe eventually decided to pack up and get the heck out of there. Unfortunately, her path was blocked by even more gray, jiggly foodstuffs.

"Mommy..." she squeaked.

...Gaspard decided to call out for help.

Now, there are quite a few dialogue choices when it comes to asking people to help you get rid of a murderous, sentient blob that came from a cafeteria tray. For example, "Help me!" is a classic, while "Get it off!" conveys a more urgent tone. "Kill it with fire!" would be valid if the thing was not gripping onto your shirt while scrabbling at your neck. In the end, Gaspard settled with the ever-popular "AUUUUGH!".

"Your wallet or your life!" yelled the blob, trying to strangle Gaspard. "Your wallet or your- OOF!" The terrified intern punched the blob in its side. He expected the thing have the consistency of Jell-O but to his surprise, it felt more like solidified chili. The chili monster recoiled from the blow, falling off Gaspard. It tried to slither away, but the edible abomination didn't manage to avoid a mighty kick from a bystander that sent it into the closest wall with a wet SPLAT!

Gaspard stood up and walked over to the chili monster, looking at it carefully. "I have a question for you," he said.

"What?" answered the blob, slowly sliding to the ground.

"Where the heck are your vocal cords? I mean, come on. You are a blob for crying out loud! How do you do it?"

The chili monster thought about it for a few seconds. "Does it matter?" it said as it suddenly detached itself from the wall and launched itself onto a cyborg-like woman with bright white hair.

Evie said as she wandered into the Lounge. "Fish? Wrong way again."

"This is HQ, there's no right way either... ooh, what's this?" the Fisherman replied as he absent mindedly walked in.

"Christmas party by the look of it."

"Of course, Christmas! I'd almost forgotten about it."

Evie had become distracted by a small blob of grey sludge that was inching its way across the floor toward her. "Er... what did you do with that scenery-custard-stuff?" she asked.

"Gave it to the Canteen," the Fisherman replied. "Why?"

"Did it look anything like that?"

"Er... not really. It was a lighter more brownish-grey. And it didn't move either."

"Just checking."

... as an interesting gray sludge crawled out of a covered tray. She then shrugged and grabbed a piece of pie.

Unfortunately, she did not see that next part, where the sludge jumped on an agent.

Well, she did when she turned around and more sludge was crawling towards her.

Lisa slowly reacher for her manual and the box of Christmas crackers. If she couldn't find a spell that worked, she was sure she put an actual exploding cracker in there...

"We're back and we got food!" said Philip as he and Gaspard pushed his way through the crowd, laden with several aluminium foil-covered trays. The two boys placed the trays onto a table and started to uncover the food.

"We've got... fried chicken!"

"Here's some BBQ pork!"

"Apple pie!"

Gaspard looked over to Philip. "Since when has the Cafeteria ever made something digestible? This is too good to be true."

Philip stared back at his friend. "You just HAD to invoke the Ironic Overpower, didn't you. Now what?"

"Hey, you did it just now," retorted Gaspard. "All right let's try this... WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO RIGHT?" he intoned, speaking in a loud and clear voice.

Philip backed away. "No way, man. Not even an inversion can save you now."

One of the trays rattled as a grey matter oozed out of it. "Your friend's right, you know. Nothing can go right!" the sentient sludge said as it threw itself on Gaspard, bringing the intern to the ground.

Skorp quite literally snorted awake, wondering when she'd drifted off. Chocolate-covered sleep pills, of all things. Who on Earth had come up with that one?

"Finally, you woke up, now allow me to fill your cup."

Skorp blinked, confused. "Poet! You came after all!"

"It got lonely back in the RC, and I got rather barsy."

"Making up words is just lazy. Now shut up and go celebrate!" She then turned, to face the nearby folks.

"Oh, hi there!"

(OOC: Could be anybody.)

(Kali figured he must have been too busy with his food to respond), the Tok'ra turned away from the Wraith and went over to see just how badly the tree had been burnt. It didn't look too bad, though a few branches towards the top had been singed heavily. She shrugged; the tree didn't mean much to her, though she was glad that it hadn't caught fire. That would have been too much to handle, to be honest.

At first, Nume didn't realize that Sylvia was talking to him. There were lots of people in the room; she could have been addressing anyone in the general area, and anyway, he wasn't finished with the Yeerk. As Orken walked away, he curled his lip—it might almost have been a smile, sort of—and was about to remark to Ilraen how much the Yeerk seemed to like the sound of his own voice, but Ilraen shook his head and pointed over Nume's shoulder, anxiety writ large in his green eyes (not literally, thank goodness).

Nume turned around. "What?" he said before taking in the woman's appearance. "Oh, that. Well, I warned people to get out of the way. If you didn't, it's your own fault." He folded his arms again.

Ilraen shook his head. He wanted no part of this. "Excuse me, I think I saw someone else I know. Good-bye!" He went to look for Maeryn/Kaliel.

Natasha wasn't a very touchy-feel sort of person, and being hugged by someone who doesn't have any skin made the experience much more uncomfortable than it normally was for her. But, trying hard not to show her discomfort, Natasha hugged back, being careful to only touch Derwin's clothing.

When the hug ended, turned to Cadmar and Maria and smiled.