Subject: Re: Thanks
Author:
Posted on: 2010-09-02 15:32:00 UTC
As far as I can recall, there ain't no centaurs. The Fantasia stuff is pretty much contained to one or two characters wandering around, but that's about it.
Subject: Re: Thanks
Author:
Posted on: 2010-09-02 15:32:00 UTC
As far as I can recall, there ain't no centaurs. The Fantasia stuff is pretty much contained to one or two characters wandering around, but that's about it.
Note: The following paragraph also appears in the mission. Feel free to skip it here or there.
Okay, just putting this out there. I rushed this. I've split most of this summer between taking classes in order to prepare for my semester in Italy and working to afford said semester, so I didn't do the amount of research I usually do. It bothered me, but I thought I might as well put it out there. Agent Penguin, I'm sorry for whatever you find lacking. I figured better I should post it now as is rather than in a few months.
Hope that didn't scare you off. Also hope it explains my absence from the board as of late.
http://terrofen.livejournal.com/3829.html
Neshomeh summed up my feelings on this mission pretty well when she said "I didn't really get a sense of what was so wrong with the fic (other than turning someone into a naga)." Speaking as someone who's read Naga Eyes without the benefit of the 'Saltines and Sprite' MST treatment, I can say with authority that is not a problem you should have with this text. You needed to make it more clear why this fic is so bad, be that through quotes or agent reactions.
Explaining what vore was right off the bat could have helped. The story you used was okay, but for something like vore you need to be blunt.
I enjoyed the first few paragraphs, don't get me wrong. But this could have really been improved had you just set it aside until you had the time to really flesh it out.
Also, there are no centaurs in Kingdom Hearts.
Guess I could've done a better job explaining why the story was bad. One of the big problems I had was that I couldn't find an unsporked version, which made it hard to get the full awfulness of the story.
I also should've done more research on Kingdom Hearts. All I know about it is that it's a video game that merges Disney Canon and Square-Enix. I figured since there were centaurs in Fantasia, it would be legit.
So, yeah. More research and clearer reasoning behind fic badness. That being said, probably gonna stick to my balliwack now. (Buffy Badfic all the way!)
As far as I can recall, there ain't no centaurs. The Fantasia stuff is pretty much contained to one or two characters wandering around, but that's about it.
Congrats on sitting through that story! I couldn't make it very far...This is a short mission, but there was only so much you could really quote without making the mission an equally disgusting read.
May I be so bold as to point out some typos?
-"The two of them had spent a lot of together..." is missing "time."
-"Tadkeeta's business-like tone had soften a bit..." should say "softened a bit."
-"Maybe she was more emotional around people she more familiar with," should be "...she was more..."
It seemed like the banter between the agents was good, as was the content of the story itself, but I do think that you could have made it a bit longer - even if you were rushing. On the other hand, I snickered when Caroline lobbed a ray gun at Tadkeeta, and again when they took down Nagariku. X3 One thing I was curious about was Caroline's whole horse thing; at first I thought Caroline might have had a horse phobia when she was a kid, as the word 'pang' usually comes with a negative stigma, but later on she was actually happy to go hopping on Tadkeeta. You may want to reword that.
Basically good but for the sorts of things that not rushing and/or getting a beta would fix, but I didn't really get a sense of what was so wrong with the fic (other than turning someone into a naga).
Also, I'm not familiar with Kingdom Hearts, but are there centaurs in that 'verse? The only thing I can think of that would make sense is the ones from Fantasia, but you didn't really describe the disguise other than saying it was taller than Caroline, and it confused me.
So as not to end on a negative note, I will add that the bit about the second-hand weapons cache run by a pack of apathetic teenagers was particularly amusing. Partly because in HQ, it's probably true. g
~Neshomeh