Time to get rid of some stress...

Subject: Time to get rid of some stress...
Author: Artic Blade
Posted on: 2008-08-18 10:43:00 UTC

We've been stressing from our little Stampede, so how's about a game?

Imagine you're an author of J.K Rowling / J.R.R Tolkein calibre. You've written a series that's rocked the world, and for all purproses, it's your baby.
THen, shock horror, you look online one day, and find fanfic. And not just any badfic, LEGENDARY Badfic, with your stories as the setting.
And, through some odd twist of fate, you also find a PPC'd version of the story.

Now, compose a letter, or a paragraph, of what you would say to the author of the Badfic, or the author of the PPC fic.

Reply Return to messages

Time to get rid of some stress... by Artic Blade on 2008-08-18 10:43:00 UTC

Cease and Desist as of Last Week by TZA on 2008-08-23 06:56:00 UTC Reply

To Every Single Ficcer of My Work,

Stop. Immediately. That means 'now', in case I'm using a word too big for your tiny little brains. Any other words you don't understand, go get a dictionary. If you don't know what one is, ask an adult and then beat your head against the wall for being such a moron.

I started as a ficcer myself so I'm not at all opposed to the writing of fanfiction. I am, however, totally and completely opposed to fanfic as profoundly horrible as all of you have produced. I am disgusted and infuriated you would so totally abuse what I have spent over ten years crafting and refining and it will be over my cold, dead body such filth and trash is allowed to remain online. I will be contacting whoever runs this archive or hosts this website and making it clear that unless all fanfic for my novels is removed they will be served with a lawsuit. So will every single person--or their parents/guardians, if they're under eighteen--whose work remains posted online and, yes, I do have ways of finding out. Thirty may sound ancient to some of you and you might assume you're sooooooooo much smarter than me with computers and the internet. Keep thinking that. I'll see you in court.

Two things:

1) What kind of crack were you snorting when you got the idea for Kyle/Brian? Kyle and Brian are both straight as a ruler. Maybe it's just me and the dozens of people over the years who've beta'd my stories, but all of us agree there are plenty of reasons why neither of them will ever get their rocks off with another guy. The most they ever are is friends. Period, end of story. It's OOC for both of them and there are gay, lesbian, and bisexual characters in my novels so use them for your slash.

2) Anyone who wrote Laurel/Brian taking place within the timeline of my novels has earned my especial loathing and contempt. Not only is it incredibly poorly written and executed, not a single one of you has given them any plausible reason for him to betray Felicity--his wife and her good friend--in that way. Neither of them a nymphos with hair trigger libidos that explode into mindless passion the moment they're alone together. Brian sees her as a sister, people. A sister. Speaking of sisters, the person who wrote Brian/Shelley has twenty-four hours to remove that fic before I sic the lawyers on you. It's illegal and disgusting. Anyway, like I was saying, Brian sees her in a totally platonic manner and Laurel clearly has more than enough self-control to keep her hands off of him.

Everyone who wrote a rapefic has twenty-four hours as well before the lawyers start getting involved. Kyle wouldn't rape any woman, especially Laurel. You all disgust me, using rape as a plot device.

With complete and total sincerity,

Jill O'Brian

************************************

To the Agents who PPC'd some of the mess made of my novels,

Good deeds should be rewarded, so how about this: autographed copies of my novels for the both of you and a cameo in my next novel. Fair enough? ;)
Hehehe by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-08-22 17:17:00 UTC Reply

Dear so called 'fanwriter',

This was supposed to be fanfiction. With emphasis upon FAN. I find it difficult to believe that anyone fond enough of my work to term themselves a fan could churn out the drivel I have witnessed from you. Reread the books, please, until you remember that as my characters, they are and remain as I imagined them, not as what passes for your imagination would mutate them into.

Kindly desist from horrifying me with your illiterate nonsense. My patience is not endless. I may find myself forced to forbid fanfiction based upon my work...and rest assured that I will have you blamed for it. I look forward to either your silence or your improvement.

Cheers,
The author whose books you mangled.

Dear PPCer,

Thankyou for recognising the foul excresence that was that so-called 'story'. Thankyou for your defense of the works I have writer. You, I consider to be a very genuine fan. Would you like a cameo in my next book, or would you prefer a signed copy of the one you defended so masterfully?

Yours,
A very grateful author.

*that would be 'I have written'...silly typo... (nm) by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-08-22 17:18:00 UTC Reply

Ohhhhh, this is toooo good! by Lily Winterwood on 2008-08-21 21:06:00 UTC Reply

Let's see...
Dear Suethor,
I am most DISPLEASED at seeing your fanfiction about my story posted online for the world to see. It is absolutely atrocious. Character X would have never fallen for your "Princess Sparklypoo of MuffinLand". Indeed, MuffinLand does not even exist in GenericFantasyLand Y!
I used to be a fanfic author, just like you. But what makes us different is that I have an editor, or a beta reader. And I actually listen to them. I place my trust in my spellcheck and I constantly revise my stories to catch errors. From what I can see, you have not.
Do review what I have said. And for ReligiousDeity Z's sake, stop misspelling the characters' names! I have heard of Official Fanfiction Universities, and I seriously am considering opening one for you and everyone else of your writing level.

To the PPC,
I once have read your fanfiction about other worlds in a similar state of disrepair, and I must say THANK YOU for bringing justice to mine as well. I am truly in your debt.
My turn? by Ansela on 2008-08-20 02:18:00 UTC Reply

To the badficcer,

This is a joke, right? No one could possibly think that that is a valid piece of writing based on the world I created.

It is creatures like you that make me consider revoking the right to write fanfiction based on my worlds. Rest assured that your name will be listed as one of the reasons if I ever do such a thing.

To the PPC,

Good work. Have an autographed copy of my books for your troubles.
To the dear, dear...creature...who wrote that fic (yes, YOU) by insanegrrl on 2008-08-19 15:57:00 UTC Reply

She's a lesbian.

LIVE WITH IT.

Read the flipping books.

Yours,

The Author.

To the PPCers:

Rock on.

Would you mind killing these, as well? shoves links

Love,

The Author.

(Except I heard somewhere that authors can't read fanfic for legal reasons. I guess I'll just convince someone else to read it for me. ^_^)
*cracks knuckles* Alright then... by Oozaru Angel on 2008-08-19 04:24:00 UTC Reply

To my dear, beloved, honoured fans,

If one more of you dares to write my boy Sam-chan in a romantic relationship with your little Mary Sue, I will hunt you down. I can put up with it when you make Tamaji-kun or Kami-kun in love with each other, despite their het love interests, as long as you do it well but Sam has said many times that the thought of being in that kind of relationship with a woman disgusts him. Do you know how many of the other fandoms long for a canon homosexual that they can pair with whichever male they want? Stop complaining and send your little female OC after one of the het/bi characters. Unless, of course, she's a Mary Sue. In which case, send her to take a long walk off a short pier. Your meddling kids are not wanted here.

While we're on the subject, leave Ka-chan alone. She gets barely any screentime as it is, because she's busy working behind the scenes, don't start bitching about what a 'Sue she is when she finally gets a few chapters. She's integral to the plot, I promise. Besides, with Kaya we get Tohru and I know you all love him. Maybe that's the problem.

To the PPC:
Thanks, I guess. It's flattering to know that my work can install so much passion in a person that they will really drown someone to make sure it isn't harmed in anyway. Kinda scary as well, but mostly flattering. Keep up the good work.

Yours sincerely,
the Mangaka.
Ooo, FUN! Good idea, Artic! by Sedri on 2008-08-19 02:36:00 UTC Reply

Badfic Author,

How would you feel if I went on the news tomorrow and announced a blanket ban on all fanfiction based on my stories, loudly citing yours as the last straw? I will, of course, make sure to inform every other fanfic writer of your penname, real name, email, and home address.

My dear PPCers,

Would you like a cameo in my next book?

Ooh, you are EVIL! by TZA on 2008-08-23 06:59:00 UTC Reply

How would you feel if I went on the news tomorrow and announced a blanket ban on all fanfiction based on my stories, loudly citing yours as the last straw? I will, of course, make sure to inform every other fanfic writer of your penname, real name, email, and home address.

You're merciless! I don't know if you could get away with giving out identifying information, other than pen name, but citing them as the reason for the ban? I like!

Hmm, in all seriousness... by The Trojanhorse on 2008-08-19 00:45:00 UTC Reply

...if any of us were to get published, what would you think of fanfiction (of any calibre) of your universe? Would you go McCaffreyish and reject the very idea, or would you welcome it, frequent forums, talk to fans?

I have no words for how flattered I'd be if I found out that people were writing fic (preferably goodfic) of one of my fictional creations. Finding out that people liked it enough to PPC for it would make me faint, srsly.

Being serious by TZA on 2008-08-23 07:47:00 UTC Reply

I'd welcome it. As I said in my letter, I started as a ficcer and I'm not opposed to the idea of fanfic. I do have issues with crapfic, though. Mary Sues will forever and always be a reality in fanfic and very few writers start out producing something that's not full of errors and weaknesses, so I'd tolerate the 'Sues and try to help the n00bs better themselves. I love to hear what people think of what I write so unless the fans gave me a reason not to, I'd definitely go to forums and talk to fans.

I'd limit slash and have zero tollerance for rape!fic and incest!fic.

Slash, unless it involves one of my GLBT characters, is off-limits for two reasons: 1) I don't like slash and 2) it would be totally OOC for the het characters of significance, on par with my posting I'd converted to Buddhism and was moving to Tibet to live a life of solitude and prayer. Like I said, I do have GLBT characters so as long as that slash isn't getting into anything like furries, scatplay, or serious BDSM and the writer isn't twisting them OOC it would be stupid to the nth degree to say something, now wouldn't it?

Rape and incest, I'd drop a note to the author telling them the story is being pulled and then to the site admin instructing them to have it gone w/in twenty-four hours or they'll talk to my lawyers. That does not, I hope, need any explanation. If anyone does wonder why I'd have a problem, you need help.

-There are fics out there that involve rape that are well written, in character, and treat the subject with the sensitivity it deserves. Those, I'd likely leave alone, or if it was a particularly dark fic I'd ask them to move it to an archive for more mature/adult fics.

Unfortunately, by Ansela on 2008-08-24 16:37:00 UTC Reply

slash, rape and incest fics are a part of most fandoms. Sometimes they are well written, a lot of the time they aren't.

I write slash, I'm not ashamed to admit that, and I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as the characters are IC, then it isn't a problem. Very few people in life are completely, 100% straight or gay. Experimentation, especially amongst teens, happens. As long as these facts are acknowledged, there is nothing wrong with writing a slash fic.

If you have to break up a canonical pairing, heterosexual or otherwise, for your slash, with little reason other than 'all women are evil/his wife was abusing him/he didn't love her really', then that's not right. There should be a reason for ignoring canon pairings. You can make it a past fic if you have to. Just provide justification for the breaking up of canonical happiness.

If you, as the author, don't want fans to slash two characters then you should strive to put in as little subtext between them as possible. The pairings I write are ones that have canonical subtext in them, and in some cases are actually the most popular pairings in the fandom.

Rape!fic is trickier. It's not something I'd write, mostly because I don't think I could do it justice, but there are some characters in my fandoms that I think would carry out that act. That's not to say that all characters would rape someone, or that all people think that way, but rather that it's my personal interpretation. Unfortunately rape, non-con and dub-con fics are very rarely written well and so are an off-putting factor for many people.

Incest is not something I read or write, except on rare occasions, i.e. the relationship between the characters wasn't revealed until late in the canon and there weren't even hints of it before that. However, some people find incest interesting and some people just like to write about two 'hawt' characters having sex. Those are the people who are unlikely to be stopped by banning fanfiction of a series. Even authorial statements of 'that would never happen' are often ignored by fanfiction writers.

As for stopping kink fics, that's very difficult. You can't state 'I will allow fanfiction but only as long as everyone writes about canon relationships and doesn't deviate from what I have written at all and I don't want people writing anything kinky'. You either allow it, the good and the bad, kink fic and gen fic, or you ban it altogether.

AU and 'What If' fics by TZA on 2008-08-25 01:00:00 UTC Reply

If you can give good reason for going right instead of left when the road splits and keep the characters IC, go for it. If you can believably have them become a different person, have a blast.
You make good points by TZA on 2008-08-25 00:44:00 UTC Reply

I know you're never going to stop everyone from writing fic you don't like, or fic in general. Case in point: there are sites full of NC-17 HP fics and Jo's made it clear she doesn't want NC-17 fics written with her characters. I just don't want it showing up on ff.net and other sites that get a lot of traffic.

At this point in my writing, all the characters have settled any questions they might've had about their sexuality. Bri's a moderately conservative Christian so he'd never act on any homosexual urges and Kyle wouldn't because...he just wouldn't. There's a reason but it's complicated and involves issues and baggage from his childhood that he refuses to deal with. He still wouldn't even if he got therapy but at least he'd be able to explain why in twenty words or less. ;) The only subtext I've tried to lay for them is one of friendship and mutual respect, both personally and professionally.

Re: You make good points by Ansela on 2008-08-25 12:43:00 UTC Reply

I agree that NC-17 should not be on ff.net, mostly because of how many children frequent that site. Unfortunately there is plenty of evidence that underaged users are all over adult alternatives such as aff.net. There is no reliable way to block them out either. I know I used to lie my way into aff on a regular basis.

If there's a reason why a character would never experiment then I would respect that when writing fanfiction. Friendship fics are just as interesting to write as romance fics, sometimes even more so.

Re: You make good points by TZA on 2008-08-25 14:01:00 UTC Reply

The NC-17 thing was just an example of people ignoring what the author's said. I should've separated that from the next sentence, which was referring to my own theoretical very popular novels. I know people are going to write slash and rape and incest. I'd just want to keep a lid on the stuff people wrote about my characters, so I'd put the kibosh on rapefic and whatnot being posted publicly and aff.net would be one of the first sites I informed of my wishes.

aff.net does the best they can to keep minors off the site but of course it's not 100%. No matter how good of a mousetrap they build, the mice will eventually figure out a way to steal the cheese without tripping the trap.

Friendship fics are a total blast to write. That's what the majority of what I'm turning into a novel is, and there's a lot of guy/girl friendship. Two people giving each other hell and jerking each other's chains and showing up with guns and ammo when the other needs reinforcements--or stays on the phone for three hours at 2 a.m. when they need to get up for work at 6 a.m. because the friend is having a really hard time of it and needs someone. I have a guy friend like that and I love him to death. Platonically, of course. ;)

I'd be gleeful by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-08-22 16:55:00 UTC Reply

And also rather smug. I'd correct people on how OOC the characters were under sockpuppet names, then drop an "I am the author, THAT's how I know they're OOC" bomb.

...Besides, I'd throw in subtext liek whoa just to see what the results were. :p
Yeah, it does sound awesome. by Lily Winterwood on 2008-08-21 21:14:00 UTC Reply

I was reading Narnia Suspian fic the other day, and read this amazing story...
Walk This World
The author of this fic evidently is a published author. Isn't that neat? If I was C.S Lewis (Which I'm not, obviously), I'd be flattered at the thought of a PUBLISHED AUTHOR playing in my sandbox.
And there's Cassie Claire of Draco Trilogy fame. Have you guys read her published work City of Bones?

Yes, I've read her original fic by TZA on 2008-08-23 08:05:00 UTC Reply

She plagerized not a small amount of the Draco Trilogy, if you hadn't already heard, and the first two books of her trilogy have been sporked over at . I sporked City of Ash, or whatever the title of the second book is. People familiar with HP and Buffy have found numerous instances where it's like all CC did was change the name (i.e., Auror to Shadowstalker). Also, an assortment of characters, items, abilities, and other such things from Laurel Hamilton's Anita Blake Series, the Wheel of Time series, the comic book series Fables, the Deathgate Cycle, and the Deathstalker series have been identified. Valentine, for example, and Clary being able to do magic with runes she doesn't know? Apparently, taken straight from Weis and Hickman's Deathgate Cycle.
Cassie Claire? by JulyFlame on 2008-08-21 21:37:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, I've read part of City of Bones. I have to say, I wasn't really impressed. Some of the turns of phrases she used were really unusual, and not in a particularly clever or correct way, either. Cos yeah. Some of the descriptions were just meh, as well. And I've read work a lot better than hers that does deserve to be published on merit.

Rather than on popularity gained from internet drama.

But just my opinion. What was your take?

Me? No I really haven't read it. by Lily Winterwood on 2008-08-21 21:58:00 UTC Reply

But she was a brilliant fanwriter. I suppose after writing about other people's creations, you tend not to have much inside yourself for writing original fiction.
I only really pointed her out because she's famous here for her fanfic, and now she's published and all. That's rather odd, you know, to see the name of someone you know online on the cover of a book.

Hmm... by Neshomeh on 2008-08-19 18:13:00 UTC Reply

If I ever got popular I fear that my characters would be 'shipped incessantly and without regard to their actual preferences (or lack thereof). A couple of them wouldn't mind, but that's beside the point. The worst things is that "daughter of" Sues would be plausible for those same characters, because they live in a setting without birth control as we know it and they don't really care, either.

I guess I'd be more amused than annoyed most of the time. Legendary Badfic WOULD make me upset at the stupidity--I'd like to think I would attract intelligent readers, and I would be disappointed to find otherwise. As other people have pointed out, though, actually reading fanfic of my books is probably a no-no. I might do moderated chats and interviews to try and keep a handle on things, though. If the PPC wanted to interview me, well, that would be sweet. I'd trust them to ask all the right questions. {= )

Honestly, though, I don't even know if I want to be that popular. Published, yes, but I'd be very happy with a small body of dedicated readers. Much less BS that way.

... My work can get hugely popular after I die. That would be cool.

~Neshomeh, who thinks the "real world" is big and scary and doesn't want much to do with it most days.
Well... by Tomato on 2008-08-19 15:23:00 UTC Reply

I'd be a hypocrite if I denounced it, seeing how much fanfic I read and write. Although I don't think legally I'd be allowed to read it, because then there's the risk that some fanbrat would accuse me of plagiarism, but I'd read it secretly. And clandestinely nudge my PPC friends to please take care of any badfic.

I would be thrilled that enough people read my stuff that there was fic for it.

About the legality... by Sedri on 2008-08-20 00:59:00 UTC Reply

Isn't that only a risk if you're going to produce more books in the same series? Though clandestine readings are probably wise anyway...

Yes... by Tomato on 2008-08-20 02:08:00 UTC Reply

But pretty much all my stories are in the same connected universe (sort of like Stephen King's), so chances are any character I publish could show up again.

So, to be on the safe side, I would not want it being known that I read fanfiction.

Fair enough (nm) by Sedri on 2008-08-20 07:03:00 UTC Reply

If something I wrote attracted fanfic by Wandering Critic on 2008-08-19 09:52:00 UTC Reply

I'd be flattered beyond belief, and twice as much if the PPC went after the badfic.

As for reading the fanfic, it's hard not to remember what happened to MZB. I'd love to read what they wrote -- but I wouldn't dare. People like OTW would make me twice as paranoid as they already do, since it would be my work they'd be trying to stake a legal claim on.
When I write, I usually have alternate options in mind. by Starwind Rohana on 2008-08-19 08:03:00 UTC Reply

Meaning that I can see a particular story or situation going several different ways. I also sometimes have the characters in one place at one time, and then somewhere else a week later, and I don't write what happened between.

So I'd be really pleased if people read my books, liked the stories, and then tried to write stories explaining what might have happened in the interim. Or if they wrote AUs of the books. Or if they wrote stories that could fit in alongside mine. It shows that they like the books and want to read/think more about the characters.

I'd hate badfic, though, because I'd be heartbroken to see the lack of understanding.
I'm the kind of author by Oozaru Angel on 2008-08-19 04:14:00 UTC Reply

who would love that and probably end up putting little hints in the canon to encourage odd yaoi pairings. I wouldn't like badfic of course but anything would be worth any goodfic that my work generated. As for talking to fans... I might actually create my own account on ff.net or somewhere, pretend to be just a fan, and write my own fanfic. See if anyone figures out who I am. I'd try my best to encourage the fandom, the very idea sends me into euphoria.

~Oozaru Angel, who dreams of one day becoming a world famous mangaka.
I'd be insanely flattered by Artic Blade on 2008-08-19 03:41:00 UTC Reply

But if I found more than five Legendary Badfics without Legendary Goodfics to balance it out, I would cry. Potentially, if I found a story I really like, I would include a cameo from the lead character, or make a reference to the character's home-town, but nothing too in-depth.
But yes, overall, I'd be very flattered. And if the PPC thought it were good enough to patrol, I'd probably make a pseudo-alias and create Agents to patrol my Universe. Funfunfun.
I don't think I could ever be certain, but... by Sedri on 2008-08-19 02:33:00 UTC Reply

Well, it makes a huge difference that I've been in the fanfic world for long enough that I know how good and bad it can be. That makes a huge difference.

I'd certainly be flattered by goodfic; I think I'd enjoy be surprised by the creativity and detail that people create and expand on. Alternate universes would be interesting, and if there's a lot of angstfic or "fix-it" AUs, I'd be pleased because that means I've pulled their emotional strings the way I wanted.

As for badfic... knowing what I know, I like to think I'd accept it as a necessary evil - after all, twelve year old fanbrats will be thinking it, even if they don't write it down. Seeing X-rated bad slash with two of my most beloved het characters would probably make me shudder, close the window, and contact the PPC for some bleepka.

Seriously? I don't know. I'd make as many flat ("No, he IS straight") statements as possible to dissuade the "but there's no PROOF!" types, and make it clear what types I don't apperciate, but beyond that...

I doubt I'd make a Rice or McCaffery-style flat rejection; it just forces them underground. At least if they're writing something, they're still interested enough to buy more books and send me more money. ;p

I really don't know. I'm very protective of Agents Sedri and Iza, and I find myself getting prickly when offering them for a cameo because I want to make sure they stay in character. Thankfully I can trust everyone here to look at my missions and do their best.

Finding that PPCers were patrolling badfic for my continumn would make me feel very, very honoured.
I'd be happy to know it was there ... by Laburnum on 2008-08-19 01:36:00 UTC Reply

... but either do my best to avoid looking at it in terror of running across a Spear Incident equivalent, or comb the entire fandom under a fake name to make sure nobody had made a Spear Incident equivalent.

Then I'd give up, write the SI equivalent myself under a sock puppet account, and watch the fun.

And then the f_w reaction! :D (nm) by JulyFlame on 2008-08-19 02:09:00 UTC Reply

*drools* by Makari on 2008-08-19 00:49:00 UTC Reply

It would make me unbelievably happy.
Goodfic would be even more awesome, though I might have to point the PPC at the badfic.

If I found badfic for a story of mine by lynxihez on 2008-08-19 11:47:00 UTC Reply

I'd totally PPC it. I'd find doing so hilarious.

I'd also probably create a sockpuppet account and post AUs on what was going to happen if it was a series and then put in the disclaimer [X Universe] DOES belong to me! Ahahahaha! Just because I get bored of reading [X Universe] doesn't belong to me. BAWWW.

It'd be terribly amusing if no one believed you... by Sedri on 2008-08-20 00:57:00 UTC Reply

You'd probably get a lot of hate mail from fans OF you who are trying to DEFEND you TO you... very, very funny. grin

I'd love it. by lynxihez on 2008-08-20 14:39:00 UTC Reply

And then I'd announce it on my website, or something... happy sigh

Good times. :D

*grin* Indeed! (nm) by Sedri on 2008-08-21 00:06:00 UTC Reply

Ow, my brain. Funny though. (nm) by Makari on 2008-08-20 01:25:00 UTC Reply

authors sporking badfic of their own continuua by The Trojanhorse on 2008-08-19 00:52:00 UTC Reply

would be hilarious.

has this vision of Tolkien MSTing LOTR badfic

*snortgiggle* by Lily Winterwood on 2008-08-21 21:39:00 UTC Reply

Nooooo! Trojie, save me from the plotbunny!

And Princess Sparklymuffinpoo kissed Legols and tehy flew into the sundset 2 live happilty evah aftah!!1
J.R.R Tolkien: faints Glad that's over...
C.S Lewis: pats back Don't worry, ol' buddy.
J.K Rowling: sickingly sweet smile Clive, your turn.
C.S Lewis: blink Come again, Joanne?
J.K Rowling: We've read "Princess of SilverFairyWood" for John's world and "My Immortal" for mine. Now...it's time for "kaspyun and petar luv storie". sniggers, then looks sympathetic It's not in our power to stop these people from coming around and mucking in our worlds.
C.S Lewis: sigh You are correct, madam. braces for self
kaspyun and petar luv storie
C.S Lewis: This is going to be bad, isn't it?
J.R.R Tolkien: has recovered Indeed, my friend, it will be.

Hahaha...just a little drabble...not so bad after all...
Not that hard to imagine. by JulyFlame on 2008-08-19 01:32:00 UTC Reply

Since the Inklings basically held their own sporkings of awful writing from around their time.
*cracks up* (nm) (nm) by Makari on 2008-08-19 00:53:00 UTC Reply

OOOH! BLEEPOLATE! by Lily Winterwood on 2008-08-21 21:18:00 UTC Reply

That's exactly what I wanted!
I want the wilver ones! by Tomato on 2008-08-19 15:25:00 UTC Reply

Most of us have made NM & NMs at some point, Makari. It's a rite of passage.

Have some urple ones--I only like the wilver.

Aww, no octarine? :P (nm) by Makari on 2008-08-20 00:26:00 UTC Reply

I claim the blello! (nm) by Sedri on 2008-08-20 00:56:00 UTC Reply

Urples are mine! (nm) by Ansela on 2008-08-20 00:57:00 UTC Reply

Ooooh, NM&NMs! Haven't seen them for a while. (nm) by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2008-08-19 08:29:00 UTC Reply

*headdesk* Still figuring the board out. (nm) by Makari on 2008-08-19 10:05:00 UTC Reply

No worries - we've all done it. Besides, they're chewy. (nm) by Sedri on 2008-08-19 11:07:00 UTC Reply

Ooh, entertaining. by Makari on 2008-08-19 00:39:00 UTC Reply

Let's think... This could be quite interesting. Wonderful idea.

Dear fanfiction author,

Really. If you honestly think this situation is plausible, I recommend re-reading my book(s). Several times if necessary.

I ask you to then remind yourself that this is my world, and I am gracious enough to let you play in it. Continue as you are, and that permission may soon be revoked - reading this "story", and I use the term loosely, was almost physically painful.

Also, spelling and grammar are not an optional part of writing. Your English teachers must have despaired of you, and your math and history teachers probably weren't far behind.

Enclosed are the largest dictionary and thesaurus I could find. MAKE USE OF THEM.

Regards,

Me.
And as for the PPC...

Greetings, PPC-ers; I commend the brave agents who took on [story name], and thank you for your dedication to your Duty.

I think certain of my Canons are about to acquire an instinctive trust for people with DMS and DBS flash-patches.

Keep it up; you're slowly making the internet a better place.

Regards,

Me.

[Enclosed, an autographed, collector's-edition box set.]
Hrmmm ... tricky. by Laburnum on 2008-08-18 23:21:00 UTC Reply

What I'd say to a badficcer depends on what the main "bad" part of the fic was. Bad SPAG a la "legolas"? Anatomy fail a la the Spear Incident? Unintentional creepiness a la "soulless shell"'s seventeen-year-old who behaves like a seven-year-old?

What I'd say to the PPC is easy, though:

"Hi, guys. It's me. Just called to tell you that ... well, that badfic you recently sporked? Actually, I wrote that and posted it anonymously as an experiment. I wanted to see how bad I could make it before people stopped telling me it was great. They love it. I'm scared. Hug me now."
Hehe... by JulyFlame on 2008-08-18 22:57:00 UTC Reply

To the badficcer:

The book they're screwing up from. And the words "Read it again" printed and underlined in neat handwriting on the first page.

To the PPCer:

Autographed book.
My turn. by Neshomeh on 2008-08-18 22:07:00 UTC Reply

Dear Badficcer,

Congratulations. Due to your efforts, my carefully planned timeline is now so thoroughly off-track that all your favorite characters are going to die and the world is doomed to fall into the gaping plothole you left behind, implode, and cease to have ever existed. Yes, you read that right.

I hope you're happy.

~Neshomeh

Dear PPCer(s),

Thank the Powers! You have no idea how grateful I am--the lawyers would never have got there in time to fix that mess! Thank you a thousand times over for saving my world. You rock.

~Neshomeh
Hee. by lynxihez on 2008-08-18 21:28:00 UTC Reply

Badficcer
Dear 'fan'

Although I admire your creativity, I would prefer it if you could act out your twisted fetishes with your own characters. There is a reason the book does not correspond to your ideas.

Thanks,
[author's name]

PPCer
Dear [PPCer's name]

I applaud your efforts. Carry on; I have no mind to stop you.

Thanks,
[author's name]
Ooooh, fun... by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2008-08-18 20:57:00 UTC Reply

To the badficcers:

Dear fanbrats,

Flattered though I am that you wished to explore and expand on the world I created, I would prefer that you do it somewhere where neither I not anyone else has to be exposed to it.

Remove it, please, before my books curl up and cry.

To the PPC

Please would you kill this as soon as possible? Preferably yesterday?

Many thanks.
How could I not? by Starwind Rohana on 2008-08-18 19:08:00 UTC Reply

Dear Badficcers: While I'm glad you know about my books, I have to wonder if you've read them -and, if so, how recently. I suggest that you set aside all current conceptions of the characters and read the books again with an open mind. This may help you to write something that bears a resemblance to the original, as opposed to something that is similar to it only in the names of the characters.

Dear PPCers: Glad to have you aboard. Sally forth with my blessing. If you want the Canons to help, drop me a line.
Hmm.... by Platinumyo on 2008-08-18 18:45:00 UTC Reply

To the badfic writers:

I will find you. No, seriously, I will find you. I can do that. Take it down.

To the PPC:

Can...can I join you?
My turn... by Araeph on 2008-08-18 17:48:00 UTC Reply

Dearest fangirls and fanboys,

I owe you a debt of gratitude. While I'm surprised you have the cranial wherewithal to read my books, let alone write fanfiction about them, I am very happy that you have. Regardless of what you pounded out on your keyboard while you were watching TV, you have made me a very wealthy woman. I will spend the money you used on my books to promote better literacy and reading comprehension in the public schools, so your like does not surface again.

In addition, your fanfiction is so miserably inept that my writing looks infinitely better the more you try to mangle it. Anyone who didn't like my books the first time around will now think I'm Voltaire in comparison to your literary excretions.

However, I cannot allow my canon to go unprotected. Please be patient while your fic is exterminated. Thanks you.

PPCers,

Have at it.
How could I not? by Huinesoron on 2008-08-18 13:07:00 UTC Reply

To the badficcer

Dear sir, madam, or more likely, genderless beast from the depths of some swamp or other,

I am very glad people think my books are good enough that they wish to write more. However, I am not glad to find that you are the one who chose to write more. Have you considered taking up a career in chopping off your own hands to prevent yourself butchering any more books with your presumably drug-inspired drivel? You should really try it out.

To the PPCer

Aha! So now I know who all those people in black running around Malij were.

hS

A request... by Techno-Dann on 2008-08-19 05:26:00 UTC Reply

Could I get an up-to-date E-mail address from you?

Thanks!

(I'm Techno.Dann(at)gmail(dot)com, just so you know)

Sure. by Huinesoron on 2008-08-19 21:42:00 UTC Reply

Generally I use either huinesoron(at)hotmail(dot)com, or noldo(dot)nargothrond(at)gmail(dot)com. Either of them is fine.

hS

To some who call themselves 'authors'... by Enelya on 2008-08-18 12:15:00 UTC Reply

Quit mangling my canon already. I feel like I'm on a goddamn spit-roast on high speed. Any more of this and I'll send a posthumous message to my lawyers to sue your asses off.

To the canon-purists: yes, I did put that character in the timeline awry to mess with you. I like seeing your theories for it, especially the one about the amnesiac schizophrenic.

Regards,

Me
Replies by The Trojanhorse on 2008-08-18 11:07:00 UTC Reply

To the Badficcer

Back off bitch. Mine.

To the PPC:

Duuuuuude! Thanks a bundle! Have a free copy of my books.

- Trojie, not very imaginative tonight