Subject: Cease and Desist as of Last Week
Author:
Posted on: 2008-08-23 06:56:00 UTC

To Every Single Ficcer of My Work,

Stop. Immediately. That means 'now', in case I'm using a word too big for your tiny little brains. Any other words you don't understand, go get a dictionary. If you don't know what one is, ask an adult and then beat your head against the wall for being such a moron.

I started as a ficcer myself so I'm not at all opposed to the writing of fanfiction. I am, however, totally and completely opposed to fanfic as profoundly horrible as all of you have produced. I am disgusted and infuriated you would so totally abuse what I have spent over ten years crafting and refining and it will be over my cold, dead body such filth and trash is allowed to remain online. I will be contacting whoever runs this archive or hosts this website and making it clear that unless all fanfic for my novels is removed they will be served with a lawsuit. So will every single person--or their parents/guardians, if they're under eighteen--whose work remains posted online and, yes, I do have ways of finding out. Thirty may sound ancient to some of you and you might assume you're sooooooooo much smarter than me with computers and the internet. Keep thinking that. I'll see you in court.

Two things:

1) What kind of crack were you snorting when you got the idea for Kyle/Brian? Kyle and Brian are both straight as a ruler. Maybe it's just me and the dozens of people over the years who've beta'd my stories, but all of us agree there are plenty of reasons why neither of them will ever get their rocks off with another guy. The most they ever are is friends. Period, end of story. It's OOC for both of them and there are gay, lesbian, and bisexual characters in my novels so use them for your slash.

2) Anyone who wrote Laurel/Brian taking place within the timeline of my novels has earned my especial loathing and contempt. Not only is it incredibly poorly written and executed, not a single one of you has given them any plausible reason for him to betray Felicity--his wife and her good friend--in that way. Neither of them a nymphos with hair trigger libidos that explode into mindless passion the moment they're alone together. Brian sees her as a sister, people. A sister. Speaking of sisters, the person who wrote Brian/Shelley has twenty-four hours to remove that fic before I sic the lawyers on you. It's illegal and disgusting. Anyway, like I was saying, Brian sees her in a totally platonic manner and Laurel clearly has more than enough self-control to keep her hands off of him.

Everyone who wrote a rapefic has twenty-four hours as well before the lawyers start getting involved. Kyle wouldn't rape any woman, especially Laurel. You all disgust me, using rape as a plot device.

With complete and total sincerity,

Jill O'Brian

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To the Agents who PPC'd some of the mess made of my novels,

Good deeds should be rewarded, so how about this: autographed copies of my novels for the both of you and a cameo in my next novel. Fair enough? ;)

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