The PPC Roleplay Board - Latest posts

"...he hath borne me on his back a thousand times..." Ripper continued, trailing off when Falchion stared at him.

"Since when did you start quoting Shakespeare?"

"Since now. Though I have been reading the works of that author for quite some time."

"And is that really Dark Yagami's skull?"

"Yes."

Rayner turned to stare at Ripper. "Did I hear that right? Did you guys kill THE Dark Yagami?!"

"With help from a magic fireball," Ripper replied, ruffling his feathers a little. "To use hominid parlance, no biggie."

In response, the Spy snored gently in his chair. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was tilted precariously to the right in his seat. Harris, who was seated next to him, looked around the room at the other guests.

“It’s your turn, Gaspard. Wake up. “

Again, he snored. Harris leaned over and poked his colleague with a finger. “Hey, wake up.” No response. Harris got up and tapped Gaspard’s shoulder. “Come on, now...”

Gaspard started leaning more and more to the right. As the inevitable approached, Harris stepped back. “Well, that’s sure to wake him up,” he muttered as Gaspard fell to the floor with a crash.

“Argh.” Gaspard slowly got up and looked at Harris, who wordlessly pointed at the gift pile. He then noticed the entire auditorium staring at him. “O-oh! S-sorry, I, um, I…” He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. “I-it’s just th-that I had a, um, long day, er, days and I haven’t had m-much, er, time to… um… sleep, and I’ve not b-been having the best times recently, and, em…”

“Just grab your present, Gaspard,” said Harris as he regained his seat. “C’mon, keep it moving.”

“O-okay… Sorry…” Gaspard quickly made his way to the pile of gifts, staring at his shoes all the while. He selected the first thing that he saw—a medium-sized box—and quickly shuffled back to his seat.

Cheer up, he thought to himself. You should be happy that you got a present. You don’t want to look like an ingrate, do you? Smile. Remember to smile. Be normal. Smile, and be happy. Whatever is inside will make you happy. It’s going to make up for the awful day you’ve been having.

Still conscious that all eyes were on him, he slowly lifted the lid. It was weighted and seemed to be holding something down. A small wheeze escaped from inside the box. He swallowed nervously and opened the box. He was greeted by a Pandora’s Box of wailing, squealing rubber chickens. After the infernal noise died down, Gaspard was left looking at the box, lid still in his hands.

“Thank you,” he said quietly to whomever was the owner of his box and, for reasons he didn’t quite understand, dissolved into a giggling fit, pausing occasionally to draw breath and wipe tears from his eyes.

((Don't worry about him. He'll be all right after his fit.))

"Come in number seven, your time is up," Lola muttered under her breath. She'd rather lucked out, in her estimation of things; not right at the start when everyone was staring and all excited, but not so low down that she'd only be left with the presents that spat sparks. She bounced amiably up to the stage and managed to avoid tripping on the mike, and looked up and down at the presents. Algie's big lump of a thing was supporting a few of the others, so that was out. Hm. What was another box...

Her gaze alighted on a disc-shaped present at the bottom. Intrigued, she selected it and finally unwrapped it. And there it was. A Sue whip, made of 100% ethically-sourced glitter-powered abomination. She ran her fingers gently along the length of it, feeling how the hair was still salon-soft, despite having been hacked off the Suvian or Suvians in question some time ago and still containing flecks of glitter, sparkling like hot pink diamonds.

Then a bad thing happened. A very, very bad thing. It was very easy to tell how bad of a thing it was, because of how much Lola was grinning.

"I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH..."

Algie, who knew how to look for the signs of the Commander breaking into song, had quietly sidled off to the impromptu bar at the back.

She hummed the Lunar Sanctum theme as she walked up to the stage. "Wow, check out all that shiny wrapping paper!" She picked a small box with red paper and opened it. "Aw, what?! Whose dumb idea was the glitter?!"

"But since we don't have a Wii U yet, could you give us Wii Fit Plus instead?" asked Chris. "I know that sounds rude, but..."

((OOC: Sorry for the late reply, the Internet's out at my house.))

With his hands hidden inside the frock coat's pockets, William casually strolled onstage. He briefly glanced over the packages, before picking one. There was no need to deliberate; every box was covered with a gift wrap, so why not just let Lady Luck decide? The box that William grabbed was wrapped in black paper and dark red ribbon.

"Oh? What do we have here? Let me see..." He reached into the box, and pulled out... a skull. Seemingly a human skull, except for the front part which had way more eye sockets than necessary. Seventy-nine, to be exact. William grabbed the skull with one hand, and raised it slightly above his head. He then put his other hand against his forehead, and looked at VJ. "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio..."

His partner only smiled and shooked her head.

As for Cupid, he put the box down gingerly and then reached out to touch the Swagnemite... which shocked him while letting out a noise like an airhorn.

His hair standing on end and smoldering, he turned to Sarah. "Could you do me a favor? The Writhing Mass must never know about this at any cost. EVER."

"...Noted."

Lapis continued whimpering in terror even after the racket had stopped, still clinging to Rayner’s head.

"Yep. Just like my husband to donate one of the weirdest things possible."

The tall agent calmed down just enough to put words together. "Heheheh... yeah, I basically just shoved an MLG compilation in there." What appeared to be a Magnemite, with a baseball cap and a hashtag in place of one of its magnets, escaped from the box and floated around Cupid. "Congratulations, Pitthree, you now have a pet Swagnemite!"

He suddenly noticed someone else in the room, and nudged his wife with a whisper. "Hey, Kala..." He pointed out Lola. "Doesn't she look familiar to you?"

"I should’ve put a sign on that Balance Board saying, 'Batteries not included'!" Whitney chuckled. "It comes to life once you put them in, by the way."

"Well, that explains why it threw me halfway across the room when I tried to use it," said Backslash. "I'm not so concerned about the batteries, though, but rather the fact that those guys don't have a game to go with it!"

Whitney facepalmed. "That's what I was missing! I'll tell you what, uh, Chris? That's you, isn’t it? I'll send you a game disc for Wii Fit as soon as I can, and one for Wii Fit U as well to compensate for today."

Backslash reached over to Cupid with his scarf and poked him in the side. "Uh, Drunky? It’s your turn."

"Huh? Oh! Right, coming!"

A few moments later, the angel had brought back a rather large box. He tore the wrapping to shreds, opened it up, and-

"THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAA!!!"

Lapis, as usual, screamed in terror and leaped onto Rayner’s head. It was then that the two agents noticed the words "BOX OF MEMES" written on the side of the box.

Cupid stared into the contents of said box for several moments, during which they let ouy more memetic cries of "AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA", "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME", "HEEEEEYAAAAAAAAA", etc. Then he shut the box and stared off into space.

"...I have mixed feelings about this."

(I'll follow my own advice sometime tomorrow morning, along with posting Whitney’s reply. I meant for my earlier sentiment to go to everyone in general, though, so nobody would get confused about whose turn it was.)

Especially guns that can instantly kill anything no matter what part it hits.

Yep, absolutely hysterical.

(AFAIK, the only similarity I see between Cupid and Algie is their drinking habit, and that is a complete coincidence because I didn't know Algie even existed when I wrote the first few missions with Cupid. The fic I sporked in the mission that led to Cupid’s creation featured Pit getting a nasty drinking habit among other things when the memory sickness affected him. I picked Bleeport as his signature drink because it fit the Greek theme (I don’t recall vodka or whiskey being a thing in the Hellenistic era), but Cupid has never once experimented with it even if he knows the cultivars. I picked Chardonnay because I wanted an expensive wine cultivar, and that was the first to come to my head.

At the interest of distinguishing Cupid’s gift from Algie's, though, I've changed the former to a six-pack of Drinks of the Gods, from Kid Icarus: Uprising. I apologize for the confusion. :C

Also, for all future turns, can participants please reply to the introductory post rather than to the post with the previous turn? This way, it'll be easier for us to keep track of whose turn it is.

-SS)

He walked onstage and up to the massive pile of gifts, trying not to trip over a wire or the strange, shiny, talking Qwilfish. The pile looked a little unstable, so Chris pulled out a generic blue present with a white ribbon from the middle. "Hopefully this one's not gonna be creepy like last year's." He untied and pocketed the ribbon, then opened the gift to reveal a Wii Balance Board. "O...K? Well, I think we have games this'll work for..."

"Kind of a letdown, huh?" Miguel whispered to Ami.

"I just hope we have enough batteries," she whispered back.

Careful, obviously, to avoid the microphone. Or the wires. Or, for that matter, anything that looked even vaguely technological.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I can't wait! I'm... I'm gonna take this one from up top here!" She leaned up and grabbed the most innocuous looking present she could, promptly disembowelling it in a frenzy of wrapping paper that rained down over the Doktor like confetti. He didn't seem to mind, possibly on account of being as terminally cheerful as Wobbles was herself.

"Oh, wow! It's a... it's a thing! Yup, definitely a thing of some description or another!" She held the dreamcatcher aloft and gave it an experimental prod with her free hand. "Wait a minute, I know what this is! Oooooh, this is definitely going on the ceiliiiiing!"

((OOC: Having had a look at the gift list... er, Skarm, would you care to explain why Algie's gimmick (his fascination with Bleeport has long been a characteristic) that he can't get to remain stable (also a defining characteristic) is currently in possession of someone he's never bloody met? And that's leaving aside the fact that white port is absolutely godawful...))

(Ignore my last two lines in that case, please. Onto the next player!)

((The Guardsman just said that the R8 was unloaded. There wasn't anything to shoot in the cylinder's chambers.))

"At the risk of tempting the Ironic Overpower, I think I'm keeping this." Falchion fawned over the revolver with a cooing like a Pidove, trying to hold it properly with his talons.

"Falchion, are you sure about this?" asked Lapis, sweat-dropping and soaking her shirt. "I kinda doubt you'll be good with firearms even with an aim that good."

"Hey, I'm turning 23 this year. I'm 100-percent sure."

BLAM! A button-sized hole appeared on the ceiling, making Lapis scream and hide behind Cupid’s wing.

Falchion yelped and put the revolver down. "...99-percent sure."

(OOC: Is it okay if people can start up their turn after the previous player has opened up their gift, without waiting for responses for the previous turn? I think this fast-tracking would help speed up the completion of this RP. Thoughts, guys?)

"Hey, it's cute enough-- especially when you realize that this thing is ridiculously overpowered. It's a R8 revolver from a previous patch of that new Counter-Strike game," said the Guardsman. "Completely broken. You load it with .357 Magnum but it hits harder than a fifty-cal round. Seriously. It's fantastic! It can one-shot a humanoid target in the head, chest, arms, and stomach at mid-to-long range regardless of if your target is wearing body armour or not. Doesn't matter if your Suvian target is protecting itself with armour, a shield, a brick wall, whatever-- the R8 is going to punch right through it. Have fun with that and don't point it at your friends.

"Just, uh... it's obviously not loaded at the moment and I didn't have enough spare change to buy some ammo. You're gonna have to get it yourself."

((EDIT: spelling, cleanup.))

(OOC: As of today, I will be doing all of my Internet things from Chevy Chase! The road trip there and unpacking all my stuff was the reason I wasn't available to post earlier, so I apologize if you were expecting something sooner. Anyway, I've decided to challenge myself for this Gift Exchange - since I have no less than nine agents participating, I want to see if none of them gets a gift from each other, i.e. each of them gets a gift originally sent in from an agent from another Boarder. With that, let's get started!

As a reminder, the rules for the Gift Exchange can be found here.)

"D'awwww," the Skarmory cooed, stepping forward towards the massive pile and singling out a rather small present.

"Adam, you featherbrain, it's 'awe', not 'aww'!" called Sarah, facepalming with a laugh. "With an 'e'!"

"I know that!" Falchion replied. "I already awed at the pile in general, but I think this little shiny box looks pretty cute! Y'know what, I'm taking it."

Picking the box up in one of his talons, he hopped back to his place in the crowd, pecked it open, and pulled out...

...a gun.

"Oookay, not as cute..."