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Well, two questions. Here goes:

1. What do you find most irritating about your partner?

2. What do you like the most about your partner?

Guardsman:

I don't own a TARDIS, son. Never did— unless you count my old regiment's Battle TARDIS and that one Type-103 we caught a ride in once. Back in the War, the standard disguise for a TARDIS was a reinforced neosteel bunker with gun ports, several exit hatches, and an entrance to the TARDIS proper. We needed a sturdy and practical design to carry us into the battlefield— something that would protect us as we deployed and provide cover during a fight. Nothing fancy, really: but "fancy" is just that much more likely to break.

As for the humanoid TARDIS... I hated that thing. It's freaky and it talks back to you and it's just full of nope. It made the most awful psychic noise when it died— I still get spooked just thinking about it.

Gaspard:

It's a bit difficult, but I can actually use it without a CMC. The trigger needs two fingers to properly pull on it and the lack of an actual stock and the sheer weight of the Impaler makes it difficult to fire but so long as it's set to three-round burst, I can actually tear those paper targets a new one.

This, of course, means that I'm absolutely incapable of using it in a fight without the CMC. And why would I get into a fight anyways? I'm a dime-a-dozen office drone, not an actual agent.

(( Warning: This post contains swearing. ))

I can just about stand the first one, even with all the lens flares, but I gave up after the second. I actually wrote down my screed about it for the first one of these mailbox things. I never finished it or tried to refine it, because I'm pretty sure I'd have an aneurysm if I did, but here it is:

I hear all you modern kids and newcomers to this dimension thought it was great. Obviously you're all too green to know the difference between an homage and a ripoff—between fanservice and pandering. Well, pay attention, because I'm here to tell you all the ways you're mixed up. You would basically have to either know nothing about the original Star Trek or simply have lost all capacity to give a shit to enjoy this lazy, recycled assfest of a film.

Where to even begin.

Let's start with how pointless everything is in this film. I'll admit I was intrigued by the opening sequence and the idea of Cowboy Kirk actually receiving consequences for his actions. Kirk loses the Enterprise just before the start of the five-year mission? Interesting! Maybe he'll have to do some honest goddamn work and learn a thing or two before he gets it back. Maybe he'll be less of an idiot in this universe.

Or maybe he'll have to do jack shit and learn nothing because the plot conveniently kills off poor Captain Pike before his time, landing the Enterprise in Kirk's lap again. Pointless.

And then there was the whole rest of the film. There are no meaningful consequences for anything that happens in it. At the end, we're exactly where we were in the beginning: Kirk and crew are all set to go off on the five-year mission, Khan is a popsicle, and the Federation is poised on the brink of war with the Klingon Empire. Whoop-de-doo.

Oh, but we might have discovered a cure for death, though. I guess that happened. Now we don't have to worry about anyone making a meaningful sacrifice ever again! As long as they're mostly intact, they'll be fine!

Y'know why Spock's death had meaning in the original Wrath of Khan? Because we all thought that was the end. We didn't know there was another movie coming after that. That was it. No more Spock. No more Star Trek. His death was symbolic of the end of an era. And he had fucking earned that scene.

Let's talk about earning your moments. This film doesn't.

The reveal of Khan? Well, who the fuck is that? This universe didn't have a "Space Seed" to set the stage and show us why Khan is a big deal. We didn't get a full hour of the Enterprise slowly coming to realize exactly what kind of madman they had on their hands, leading finally to the difficult choice to maroon him on some desolate space rock where he couldn't do any damage. This film just tells us, "Oh, by the way, this is Khan. He's a superhuman from three centuries ago and he's a bad guy, okay?" And we're expected to gasp when we hear his name!

The Kirk death scene? Bullshit. I've already talked about Spock's death out of universe. Let's talk in-universe. By Wrath of Khan, Kirk and Spock had a steadfast friendship going back twenty years or so. They'd worked together, fought together, shared... all right, the tears and laughter weren't exactly shared, but you know what I mean. Shut up. The point is, "I have been and ever shall be your friend" had decades of weight behind it. They each knew exactly what that moment meant to the other.

In Into Darkness, they've known each other for what, a year? Less? I don't know. They're still working things out. NuSpock hasn't even got a chink in his armor for his girlfriend oh God don't even get me started on that, fuck. Anyway. This guy. We're expected to believe he's going to cry for Kirk. Really? Why? Based on what? They don't have a lifetime of friendship and profound shared experiences. They don't even get along that well. All I can think is that they're trying to appeal to the Kirk/Spock slashers in the most blatant and pandering way possible, for which I can only say shame on them. I mean, don't get me wrong, everybody's love is equally none of my business thank you very much, but don't go there unless you mean it. Don't taunt people.

This brings me to the Khan! shout. Not earned. Out of place. Khan didn't kill Kirk, Kirk's idiocy killed Kirk. The Khan! shout in Wrath of Khan happened after a classic villain speech of epic proportions.

And that is where I had to stop or pass out due to hyperventilation.

The trailers for the third movie make me want to resign from the human race. I keep telling myself I won't even watch it, but I know I will anyway. Somebody shoot me.

—Agent Supernumerary

(( Obligatory disclaimer: Nume's opinions are not necessarily those of the management. I do think the trailers for the third film look appalling, though. The don't feel like Star Trek to me at all. ))

((OOC: Of course you're hypothetical. That's why you can talk to me. And why none of the real agents ever talk to you.))

Aw, shoot. I wondered about that.

((OOC: This is an AU, though; you can talk to them now.))

Sweet! Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet! Gah, it's such a pain only having Key to talk to. Especially since she's always sniggering about plans she has for me.

((OOC: Being hypothetical means you don't have to go on missions, though.))

I don't know why everyone complains about missions; they sound really cool! There's magic and weapons and sexytimes with your favorite characters, all in the name of justice! I wish Key would at least let me read the reports...

((OOC: I cannot wait to send you on a mission.))

See what I mean about sniggering?

What's the strangest/most interesting thing you've seen your TARDIS disguise itself as?

Also, kudos on your choice of weapon, Gaspard.

((Snipped for boredom: general gist is that while the Notary might just about know Thing One about proper fire-lizard care, she doesn't know a lot else, and she's dissembling through verbosity and attached forms.))

I am operating on the assumption that you are curious about "the best kisser" of those agents tied to this particular mailbox. Judging our collective kissing abilities would require a certain level of… experimentation, I suppose. As we have never engaged in this activity, I would have to say

Let me cut you off there, Xerry. It's me. I'm the best. Gremlin, that is.

Gremlin, we have discussed this before. I thought that we agreed you would no longer use your electromagnetic manipulation to hijack my online posts.

Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. But this is a subject I have a little bit of experience in. I've smooched plenty of people, and I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of it. No one's ever complained before.

So then you have kissed the agents in question?

Well… no. But I'd like to think that I can leverage my worldly experiences into some very accurate guesses.

I see. On the one hand, I feel I should close out this answer now and leave it as is. That being said, I am curious as to your conclusions. It is a curiosity born of weariness and bile, but it still exists. Go ahead. Lay out your theories.

Cool. First off, there's Laura. I think it's pretty likely that she's never kissed anyone. Not only is she a bigger pain in the rear than me (A remarkable feat in itself.) Hush, you! Not only that, but she's something of a homebody. She only likes people when they've been filtered through something like Skype or a video game chat window. That being said, she doesn't back down from anything. I see her kisses as being inexperienced, quick, but very energetic. Definitely not the best.

Then there's Danny. Heh… you'd probably be better off asking Teyala Solnerii about his skills. I hear she has first hand experience. Lots of first hand experience.

I asked you to put forward your hypotheticals, Gremlin, not engage in water cooler rumormongering.

Fair enough. Cornelius is a no go area. Sure, he can make his light form solid with technology, but that's no fun. Rachel, though, would be the epitome of fun. She's bouncy, she's excitable, and she loves the idea of love itself. I see her being a bit like Laura, all enthusiasm and slight awkwardness. But while Laura would be an angry kisser — I can just see her planting one on some guy before pushing him away and giving him the cyber-finger — Rachel would be a lot of little kisses all in a row, with some cuddling to follow.

Finally, there's Xericka.

No. While this exercise has been an interesting peek into your subconscious, I must draw the line on your speculating about my own abilities.

Well, it isn't exactly speculation. I mean, you and I… uh…

And now she's walking over. Gotta go! Peace! —G

You don't actually have to worry about that. Impressed fire-lizards are tame, not domesticated; they've lost none of their wild instincts. They're telepathic and they can teleport at will, so they'll find each other when they want to socialize, and they'll be fine. (Speaking of which, I should probably remind everyone to make a decision about spaying/neutering soon. I recommend that owners of blues and greens especially have it done.)

The bad news is, they don't naturally know how to socialize with people. That takes training, with which I am always ready to help.

~Jenni

P.S. You wrote a fourteen-page missive about Lolus? I can I read it?

I haven't had a decent conversation with another mage since I retired from the Adventurer's Guild.

They've spent their entire adult lives running around pretending to matter; the ConCounOfGaInEx is where they belong. Since Morgan has taken to shooting down every suggestion I put forward that might make our esteemed Council more than a talking-shop and open-plan martini glass - when she's not threatening to shoot me, that is - I am loathe to say that my presence improves it at all, however unquestionably true it may have been before. They are loathsome.

I am worse.

I was so happy believing this could never be brought up again. It's kind of embarrassing. ... Oh well.

No, Fey Wine isn't dangerous—well, not exactly. Maybe sort of. It's a very potent aphrodisiac, enough to drive any non-fey to a "sex or die" level of desperation. Pretty much impossible to resist. You should probably be glad it's from an unknown original continuum.

The Incident was that somebody (I don't remember who anymore; might've been one of our ship-happy teenage authors) thought it would be hilarious to slip some into the tea one day in the Lounge. Long story short, that's how I got to know Agent Reria really, really well. And she was nice enough to let me have some of her cool leather clothes afterward, too.

If you REALLY wanna know the whole story, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise not to go spreading it around, okay?

~Jenni

Al's been putting in transfers ever since Wobbles started showing up on the regular! He wants out of this place more than anyone! He has a clock face that tells the time in any country of your choosing growing out of his bloody forehead! We keep getting denied, because apparently there's reasons we are where we are.

Also, um, I switched to my account for this. I, I hope you don't mind.

((Introing Karen, the other member of the A/V Division who will one day get their wish. I have an entirely new spinoff planned for them, about which I have definitely told July and probably Ix, and that is how it shall remain until I need to badger hS for to beta certain parts.))

He could try using his electric breath, but these were magical constructs so that could have the opposite of the effect he want. But he could try dodging. He was of a lanky body type, and his sea serpentine body could easily bend to dodge anything that meant harm.

So he took that route, making his way towards the mage.

How else? I don't think a Mind would find a joke of this sort funny.

"Aha! oh how the tables have turned." Matthew said to Hop, pointing the weapon at her. To be honest he wasn't a big Doctor Who fan, but a gun is a gun... usually.

Never the less, he pulled the trigger.

The knight was backing Ajax up, jabbing at him with it's lance. Ajax was intending to vault over it, attacking it's master. His chance came when the knight went for his feet. Ajax hopped onto the lance, running up the thing and toadstooling the knight's head.

He channeled dark energy into his fist, intending to punch the knight's master.

How did you end up at the PPC, Amris? I checked the records, but your recruitment seem to have gone missing.

((Yeah, my reading on Amris was sightly off))

However, it is also a question I cannot answer with any degree of precision. I am not familiar enough with other "magical girl" universes. Further, while I might be a mage, I am a soldier first and foremost; I would imagine that I would do better in a universe with a military focus, like the Command and Conquer 'verse, than in one focused on non-mathematical "arcane" magic as, I am told, "magical girl" 'verses tend to be. I can do without magic; I don't believe I'll do well wearing a tuxedo and a mask and hopping from tree to tree.

Except said pay is lower than the ground. And it's even worse once you have to pay up for hexed stuff. I was getting more when I was working with the Philadelphia Police District.

Thanks for the Notary-induced rant. I appreciate it.
Roughly, however: he really doesn't like the Notary, as is obvious, and is a good friend of the Reader. From what I understand he really doesn't understand the Aviator. The rest, well... "they make for interesting specimens and are not too bad as drinking partners". His words, not mine.

Librarian, what is your honest opinion of your fellow Continuity Council members?

And a bonus for Navare: if you could come from any other Magical Girl continuum other than Nanoha, which would it be and why?

Notary, what is your honest opinion of your fellow Continuity Council members? And you're not allowed to use this clip as an answer.

Would you look at that, livin' a high-life.