"Finally! My turn." He looked around at the assembled guests, then at their presents. Aside from the insta-kill gun that the Aviator now held, nothing seemed very appealing to take. The Spy briefly thought about stealing the revolver from the Time Lady but thought better of it. He walked up to the table and took the final gift.

"Right then. Let's hope it's actually something good this time..." he muttered as he opened the gift. He lifted a bottle filled with reddish liquid from the box. "It's a, um, thing. Drink. What is this?" he asked to the room.

She'd been watching as the others received their gifts and now that her turn had finally come up, she'd already made her decision. As the pile of presents slowly dwindled and the odds of there being something cool left grew smaller and smaller, she figured taking one of the two remaining gifts just wouldn't be worth it.

She waved at the Skarmory sitting across from her. "Oi, Falch," she called. "Gun please."

"Ah! It's me! Oh, vhat kind of lovely surprise vill be surprisink me today? Ve shall see, ach ja, ve shall see-ee!" He bounced -- quite literally, and with some measure of complaint from the sousaphone still wrapped around him like a particularly noisy life preserver -- over to the pile of presents and blew a brief fanfare. "Ohhh, I am feelink lucky, my vord yes!"

The Doktor knew in a moment what he wanted. It was the most present-shaped present out of the lot, right down to the pointy rosette and the beautifully-tied ribbon, and since he'd spent a brief period of time as a Christmas present, he knew of what he spoke. It seemed... perfect. There was just one teensy-veensy little problemette. A truly bijou problem, perfect for the first-time buyer.

He flopped over to the closest biped, who happened to be Lola herself, and nudged her with his tuba. "Er, excuse me. Could I possibly be prevailink upon you to help me vizz my present, please? My partner, vell, she left our RC in a bit of ein hurry, und I cannot vork zer Disguise Generator vizzout sprayink mein qwills everyvhere und turnink zer place into a minefield for her soft und fluffy paws. I am most unfortunately bereft of zer useful opposable thumbs, and, if it ist not beink to much trouble..." The Doktor shrugged helplessly, no small feat for a spiky pink balloon wrapped in a brass instrument.

Lola, on the other hand, just set her box of fluffy lifeform down on the table and crouched in front of him. "Of course I will, Doc! Least I can do for the compere." She grabbed the present (indicated by a gesticulating fin) and began to open it, making sure the paper didn't tear. "Must've been difficult to step up to the plate. Flop up? Oh God, I'm doing it again. My foot's so deep in my mouth I'll be wiping bootblack for a month, as my ol' mum used to say."

"Oh, it vas not beink so very bad," the Doktor replied, totally oblivious to the human's panic. "I admit I vas beink ein leetle nervous, but zen I vas sayink to mein self, Herr Doktor, you are ein Agent of ze Department of WhatThe. Zis ist not being so very scary! Not compared to Harry Potter doing somezink unmentionable vizz too much lukevarm coffee und completely insufficient lubrication, ja?"

"I'll, uh, I'll take your word for that, Doc," Lola said, her eyes widening slightly. The paper was then laid neatly at the side. Waste not, want not, after all. Then she actually looked at it. "Oh, mate, I'm sorry..."

"It ist beink fine," said the Doktor as he eyed the Tough Glove. His sousaphone gave a sad, deflated-sounding parp. "I know it ist not necessarily beink zer most useful of presents for ein fish vizzout zer humanoid hands und zo forth, but it ist still ein present und I vill enjoy it very much. Vhatever it is."

"Listen, cob, you seem like a decent guy, why don't we trade-"

"Nein, nein. I vill be entirely okay vizz zis, und vill vear it vhen I am beink in human guise und practicing vizz mein Biggenbrassenparpenthingen. Thank you so much for your assistance, miss..."

"Lola, cob," Lola said.

"Indeed. You vill alvays be velcome in RC 347, Lola!" The Doktor bounced off again, the new present clanking in the bell of his sousaphone.

"... Wait, how did he pick it up -- oh, never mind. I'll drink to stop thinking about that later." And Lola wandered off, her tribble box under her arm.

"So, does that mean we can pick our gifts together? Just this once?" asked Sarah.

"That would be a good idea," Whitney replied. "This way, we can save time for the remaining contestants."

The two of them stepped forward, nodding at each other, and simultaneously pulled out two different gifts. Whitney's was pretty tiny, but Sarah's was the largest by far, as tall as her and twice as heavy, and it was lucky her super-strength was up to the task of carrying it back.

Whitney opened hers first, raising an eyebrow. "Oooh, I hope I can adapt this to my dietary regimen. It looks and sounds pretty tasty!"

"What looks and sounds tasty?" asked Backslash, looking over her shoulder.

"The quesedilla recipe I just received. I'd like to cook up health-food-style Tex-Mex sometime, maybe even with the hot sauce that Crazy Dave used on the taco that kicks off the plot of Plants vs. Zombies 2!"

"I'll be the judge of that," said Backslash. "Perhaps you could teach me to cook as well, just in general."

"...You can't cook? Or the canon Shulk couldn't?"

Backslash looked visibly uncomfortable, so he tried changing the subject by calling, "Hey Sarah, what did you get?"

"Well..." The Super had peeled off the wrapping of her gift... and found herself hanging onto a giant cask decorated with a Viking motif. "...Let's just say I'm going to have to reserve a vault somewhere in the Incredibles equivalent of Fort Knox, preferably with a laser grid security system and a sixteen-digit combination lock."

Indeed, she and Lapis were trying to hold off a certain angel in a pink toga, who was reaching for the cask with a maniacal expression and screaming "MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!"

"CUPID, NO!" cried Lapis. "YOU'VE ALREADY HAD YOUR TURN!!!"

He meandered near-spherically over to the now depleted pile of presents and examined the remains in close detail. With him was a silver bowl, though he would not use it; that, after all, would spoil the surprise and not be at all in keeping with the spirit of the thing. His soft, rather dainty hands ran over the remaining presents, and a keen-eared observer would have noted him mumbling to himself about the possibility of their contents. In the end, however, he turned away and rejoined his partner, the smile on his face only a little bit too wide.

"Miss von Lilith? I believe you have something of mine."

Her horn lit up, and she very carefully levitated a plain black present from near the top of the pile over to her. The pile wobbled three times but did not fall.

"Nice," said Chris. "What'd you get?"

She opened the box...and squeed happily. "A magician's hat!" She took off her ordinary black hat and plopped the top hat on her head. As it was sized for a human, however, it fell down over her glasses, knocking them askew, and also completely covered her ears and horn. "Uh-oh. Um, is there anybody who can resize this for a pony...?"

"I think it's time for number twenty, luv. That's you, right?"

VJ looked up from her plate of snickerdoodles, and turned towards the stage where not a lot of gifts were left. "Bah!" She handed William the place and a cup of ice cream. "Hold this, please!"

She hopped onto the stage and took a look around. One perfectly cubed package caught her attention. After a quick unwrap, which consisted of basically shredding the wrapping paper into confetti, VJ was holding a very pretty wooden box. It was salmon pink, polished and lacquered, with a matching lid. Just seconds later, the lid popped off and a small, plushie clown on a spring appeared with a loud "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

VJ yelped, dropped the box, and jumped away. She was staring at the wobbling jack-in-a-box, hissing like a cat.

I'll be updating this as the RP goes along. Note to self: do this earlier next time.

Agent and Gift Received

Falchion - R8 revolver - stolen by the Aviator - Parthenon puzzle

Wobbles - Dreamcatcher

Chris - Wii Balance Board

Cupid - Box of memes

Will - Dark Yagami's skull

Violet - Vial of glitter

Lola - Sue Whip - stolen by E.V.L. - stole the Tribble from Zeb

Gaspard - Duck box

Lapis - Stale candy

Rayner - Chocolate eclairs

E.V.L. - Sue Whip stolen from Lola - stolen by Algie - hi-fi speakers and triple album

Ripper - Epic of Gilgamesh

Stephanie - Shark tooth necklace

The Guardsman - Diamond pick

Kala - Suvian laser spanner

Zeb - Tribble - stolen by Lola - Harry Potter books

Miguel - Cocktail recipes and mixer bottles

Backslash - Drawing of Toon Link

Valon - Mini-Omnidroid

VJ - Jack-in-the-box

Ami - Magician's hat

Algie - Sue whip stolen from E.V.L.

Whitney - Quesadilla recipe

Sarah - Viking ale

Doktor Trollenfisch - Tough glove

The Aviator - R8 revolver - stolen from Falchion

Harris -

“Lesseehere…” He started pointing at each of the remaining gifts and singing to himself. “See how the game of life is playing all of us for fools… dancing a string around us, making all these silly rules…

Each apparent beat of the song, he pointed at a different gift. “See how he looks down on us like we’re acting out a show, throw the dice, and let’s see which head will roooooll…” He finished on a shaking box a bit bigger than a basketball. “… a present that’s pre-shaken, how thoughtful!” He popped it open, and found himself staring into the single eye of a five-armed metal ball.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEE! IT’S A MINI! MINIMINIMINI!” Valon hugged the mini-Omnidroid, which seemed to be getting rather dizzy from Valon’s overjoyed spinning dance.

Kala rolled her eyes. “If anyone didn’t see this coming, you really don’t know my husband too well.”

(OOC: The song is “The Game of Life.” Well, more specifically, it’s the English cover, sung by JubyPhonic.)

He stood up, prepared to walk towards the pile, and then decided that it would be better to reach over with his scarf and grab the nearest present, which was surprisingly small and flat. Whitney facepalmed.

"Show-off," Sarah mumbled, offering Cupid a tissue.

As soon as Backslash opened up his present, his eyes widened. "Is that... Toon Link and a Great Fairy?!"

"It looks hand-drawn," said Whitney. "I think this would make an excellent wall decoration."

"Why, I can't agree more! Whomever drew this, you have my thanks! And Whitney's too, I gue-OW!"

The trainer had whapped him on the back of the head. "There's no need for me to thank anyone," she laughed. "I'm sure this wasn't intended for anybody specific."

"...Oh. Never mind, then!"

"Bwuh?" Miguel checked his ticket. "So it is. Thanks, Chris." He headed for the stage. Fortunately, since the pile of gifts was much smaller, he could pick a gift from the bottom and not worry about the whole thing collapsing. He opened it carefully... "Oh my God. Please tell me this has virgin recipes in it."

"Wait, what?" his partners asked.

Miguel hung his head and sighed. "We got a book of cocktail recipes and some mixers. A virgin cocktail, if what I read on the Internet is true, is a cocktail without any booze in it. Since I'm fifteen and Chris is technically twelve..."

"I'll have to have them, too," said Violet with a serious expression. "I don't know what other parts of the Sue I used to be stuck around after I got rescued, and I refuse to risk finding out that I'm just as bad as Cupid where booze is concerned." A few rows behind her, a certain someone sneezed twice in a row.

Ami smiled approvingly. "How mature! I'm impressed, Vi!" She created a magical hand for Violet to high-five.

"Common sense isn't the same as maturity," Violet grumbled, but she accepted the high-five anyway.

"Ooh, is it my turn?" he asked. He checked his number and stood up, going over to the pile. He delicately grabbed a box in his mouth by the ribbon and carried it back to his spot, where he sat, puzzling at how to go about unwrapping it until the Aviator leaned over and pulled the paper off for him. "Thanks," Zeb said, nosing the lid off. He looked inside to see...

A ball of fur.

He tilted his head. "Um..."

The ball of fur purred and his eyes widened." Is that a Tribble?" he asked, backpedaling away from the box.

The Aviator leaned over to see for herself. "Looks like," she said, scooping it out of the box and cuddling it. "Aren't you a cute little thing?"

"Sure, it's cute now," Zeb said, "until you're neck deep in them and they've eaten everyone out of HQ."

Kala scuttled up to the pile of gifts and selected one of the smallest boxes. She rapidly tore the box apart, and looked at its contents curiously.

“… what is it? It looks like a sonic screwdriver, but I don’t recall those having a hook at the end, or having these really stupid eye-burning colors…” She pressed a button on the device, and a red laser connected the base and tip.

Valon stared covetously at the gadget. “… hon? I think you just nabbed yourself a laser spanner.”

"All right, my turn. Let's have a go at it, shall we?"

He sauntered over to the gift pile and examined it for a few seconds. Once again, there was a flat envelope-- but the Guardsman decided to skip it this time. Instead, he chose a largeish plain-looking box and returned to his seat. He popped the lid and lifted a diamond pickaxe from the box.

"Ooooh. Shiny," he said, turning the pickaxe over in his hands. "Right when I was considering putting money into some short-range bludgeoning weapon. Perfect."

"My turn my turn my turn! Let's see..." Her two tentacles grabbed a small box that seemed even smaller next to the eleven-foot kraken. "Ooooh, what's in heeere?"

Carefully opening the box, so as to not damage its contents, Stephanie found herself holding a bunch of bony triangles on a string. "Shark teeth?" Her skin momentarily changed to the shock-white color of fear, before its color and texture changed to match burnished gold. "I don't know who made this, but I love it!"

(OOC: Yup, Stephanie's skin is a mood ring when she's not paying attention to it.)

...and picked up a rather tiny gift in his jaws, before carrying it back to his seat. The object inside looked rather delicate, so he had to be extra careful peeling the wrapper off with his teeth and talons. Inside was... a book.

Falchion looked at the book in confusion. "Uh... Ripper? Are you sure you can read that? It looks like it's written in some kind of alien language-"

"It's Sumerian. It will take me a while to translate it, but I could hopefully transcribe it. Perhaps it contains some secret message that only a very specific recipient can understand..."

"Ah. I'll leave it up to you, then."

(OOC: Terribly sorry about the wait! Between preparing for my new job starting next week and working on a new mission, I haven't gotten the time to do Internet things as often as I'd like. Hopefully that'll change once I get my schedule reorganized after the job starts!)

...who stepped in and immediately plucked what looked like a gift-wrapped bag from the pile. Taking it back to her group, she opened it up and...

"...What the heck? I know this isn't as nasty as E.V.L.'s glitter, but who in Unova would wrap up and mail-order a pile of stale candy?"

"Can I eat it? I'm hungry!" Cupid piped up.

Lapis' face turned slightly blue. "No, don't! What if it's turned into something poisonous?!"

Rayner, meanwhile, had stood up as well, and picked another box from the pile. He undid the wrapper, opened it up, and pulled out something much more appetizing: A box of chocolate eclairs.

"I'd give these to you and pick something else, Cupid, but you've already got your gift. Ah well. Chocolate's fine by me."

"Can we share?" asked E.V.L.

"NO. Also, it's your turn."

E.V.L. smiled broadly. "Alright, then. Time to sow the seeds of chaos. Algie, give me that whip."

"But you already have your-" Rayner began-

"Give. Me. The whip."

(OOC: Totally forgot that I was next in line. Derp.

EDIT: Edited twice - Turns out I had the next three turns in a row! Saving Ripper's turn for after the fallout from this post, btw.)

In response, the Spy snored gently in his chair. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was tilted precariously to the right in his seat. Harris, who was seated next to him, looked around the room at the other guests.

“It’s your turn, Gaspard. Wake up. “

Again, he snored. Harris leaned over and poked his colleague with a finger. “Hey, wake up.” No response. Harris got up and tapped Gaspard’s shoulder. “Come on, now...”

Gaspard started leaning more and more to the right. As the inevitable approached, Harris stepped back. “Well, that’s sure to wake him up,” he muttered as Gaspard fell to the floor with a crash.

“Argh.” Gaspard slowly got up and looked at Harris, who wordlessly pointed at the gift pile. He then noticed the entire auditorium staring at him. “O-oh! S-sorry, I, um, I…” He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. “I-it’s just th-that I had a, um, long day, er, days and I haven’t had m-much, er, time to… um… sleep, and I’ve not b-been having the best times recently, and, em…”

“Just grab your present, Gaspard,” said Harris as he regained his seat. “C’mon, keep it moving.”

“O-okay… Sorry…” Gaspard quickly made his way to the pile of gifts, staring at his shoes all the while. He selected the first thing that he saw—a medium-sized box—and quickly shuffled back to his seat.

Cheer up, he thought to himself. You should be happy that you got a present. You don’t want to look like an ingrate, do you? Smile. Remember to smile. Be normal. Smile, and be happy. Whatever is inside will make you happy. It’s going to make up for the awful day you’ve been having.

Still conscious that all eyes were on him, he slowly lifted the lid. It was weighted and seemed to be holding something down. A small wheeze escaped from inside the box. He swallowed nervously and opened the box. He was greeted by a Pandora’s Box of wailing, squealing rubber chickens. After the infernal noise died down, Gaspard was left looking at the box, lid still in his hands.

“Thank you,” he said quietly to whomever was the owner of his box and, for reasons he didn’t quite understand, dissolved into a giggling fit, pausing occasionally to draw breath and wipe tears from his eyes.

---

((Don't worry about him. He'll be all right after his fit.))

"Come in number seven, your time is up," Lola muttered under her breath. She'd rather lucked out, in her estimation of things; not right at the start when everyone was staring and all excited, but not so low down that she'd only be left with the presents that spat sparks. She bounced amiably up to the stage and managed to avoid tripping on the mike, and looked up and down at the presents. Algie's big lump of a thing was supporting a few of the others, so that was out. Hm. What was another box...

Her gaze alighted on a disc-shaped present at the bottom. Intrigued, she selected it and finally unwrapped it. And there it was. A Sue whip, made of 100% ethically-sourced glitter-powered abomination. She ran her fingers gently along the length of it, feeling how the hair was still salon-soft, despite having been hacked off the Suvian or Suvians in question some time ago and still containing flecks of glitter, sparkling like hot pink diamonds.

Then a bad thing happened. A very, very bad thing. It was very easy to tell how bad of a thing it was, because of how much Lola was grinning.

"I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AN' FORTH..."

Algie, who knew how to look for the signs of the Commander breaking into song, had quietly sidled off to the impromptu bar at the back.

She hummed the Lunar Sanctum theme as she walked up to the stage. "Wow, check out all that shiny wrapping paper!" She picked a small box with red paper and opened it. "Aw, what?! Whose dumb idea was the glitter?!"

With his hands hidden inside the frock coat's pockets, William casually strolled onstage. He briefly glanced over the packages, before picking one. There was no need to deliberate; every box was covered with a gift wrap, so why not just let Lady Luck decide? The box that William grabbed was wrapped in black paper and dark red ribbon.

"Oh? What do we have here? Let me see..." He reached into the box, and pulled out... a skull. Seemingly a human skull, except for the front part which had way more eye sockets than necessary. Seventy-nine, to be exact. William grabbed the skull with one hand, and raised it slightly above his head. He then put his other hand against his forehead, and looked at VJ. "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio..."

His partner only smiled and shooked her head.

"I should’ve put a sign on that Balance Board saying, 'Batteries not included'!" Whitney chuckled. "It comes to life once you put them in, by the way."

"Well, that explains why it threw me halfway across the room when I tried to use it," said Backslash. "I'm not so concerned about the batteries, though, but rather the fact that those guys don't have a game to go with it!"

Whitney facepalmed. "That's what I was missing! I'll tell you what, uh, Chris? That's you, isn’t it? I'll send you a game disc for Wii Fit as soon as I can, and one for Wii Fit U as well to compensate for today."

Backslash reached over to Cupid with his scarf and poked him in the side. "Uh, Drunky? It’s your turn."

"Huh? Oh! Right, coming!"

A few moments later, the angel had brought back a rather large box. He tore the wrapping to shreds, opened it up, and-

"THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAA!!!"

Lapis, as usual, screamed in terror and leaped onto Rayner’s head. It was then that the two agents noticed the words "BOX OF MEMES" written on the side of the box.

Cupid stared into the contents of said box for several moments, during which they let ouy more memetic cries of "AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA", "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME", "HEEEEEYAAAAAAAAA", etc. Then he shut the box and stared off into space.

"...I have mixed feelings about this."

(OOC: As of today, I will be doing all of my Internet things from Chevy Chase! The road trip there and unpacking all my stuff was the reason I wasn't available to post earlier, so I apologize if you were expecting something sooner. Anyway, I've decided to challenge myself for this Gift Exchange - since I have no less than nine agents participating, I want to see if none of them gets a gift from each other, i.e. each of them gets a gift originally sent in from an agent from another Boarder. With that, let's get started!

As a reminder, the rules for the Gift Exchange can be found here.)

"D'awwww," the Skarmory cooed, stepping forward towards the massive pile and singling out a rather small present.

"Adam, you featherbrain, it's 'awe', not 'aww'!" called Sarah, facepalming with a laugh. "With an 'e'!"

"I know that!" Falchion replied. "I already awed at the pile in general, but I think this little shiny box looks pretty cute! Y'know what, I'm taking it."

Picking the box up in one of his talons, he hopped back to his place in the crowd, pecked it open, and pulled out...

...a gun.

"Oookay, not as cute..."

((...for ease of access. Here we go!))

Edit: I'm blind. Didn't see the other post down below.